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He had a seizure in the locker room after the USC game. Saban stepped over him, turned around, curled his lip in disgust, and bellowed "THIS PIECE OF SHIT IS CUT!" He then walked over to Cam Robinson's locker and asked to borrow a gun.
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That's true.Dan Patrick: What was your reaction to [Urban Meyer being hired]?
Brady Hoke: You know.....not....good.Comment
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Haha..."The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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Nick Satan is no joke....Comment
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True story.
It's March 2008. Spring Training. I'm in a donor club that allows me to watch scrimmages even some media aren't privy to. Nick and I are chatting on the sideline of the practice field and a large bullfrog is by the hedges and starts to croak. Nick is pissed that the damned thing has interrupted him so he quickly grabs the frog, bites its head off -blood squirting from its carotids- and swallows the goddamned frog body whole while strangely keeping its head in his left hand.
I'm pretty taken aback, but I quickly decide it's best not to say anything as we head to the field house. An old woman, must be 100, has parked in the handicapped space and is trying to get her walker out. Nick sees this, bolts toward the old woman, knocks the walker down the street, and screams at the lady, "GET YOUR LAZY ASS MOVING. WALKERS AREN'T PART OF THE PROCESS!" She starts to say something in protest as tears stream down her wrinkled face and Nick, he's wily mind you, does a perfect Jean Claude Van Damme spin kick -straight outta "Bloodsport II"- and knocks her dentures flying. He then runs over to where she landed, I think to help her up, but instead shoves that frog's head in the old lady's mouth where her dentures used to be, and screams, "TAKE A FUCKIN' LAP!" I was shocked, but as I saw her vigor as she ran laps around the field, I knew Nick was right.
After all this, I'm as pale as a ghost and can't make a sound due to my abject fear at what was likely to happen after I notice a group of fans by the field house entrance waiting on Nick and the team. One lady -a cute brunette, about 30- is holding an infant. Nick is furious that the crowd will keep him from coaching the team so, in anger, he snatches the infant from the lady and starts running down the practice field and shouting, "He's at the 30...the 20...the 10...TOUCHDOWN!" and spikes the infant like a football when he reaches the endzone. The baby burst -sorta like a watermelon- and I could tell this kinda upset Nick, so to make it up to the lady, he grabbed one of the baby chunks, pulled out a Sharpie and signed it. The lady seemed very happy by this and we went in laughing and contemplating the great life lesson that Coach Saban had so graciously provided.
There is more but I don't want to spoil the upcoming show on him: "Tough love: The ESPN 30 for 30 special on Nick Saban"."The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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Will they ever report what happened to the MSU player that reached up and mussed Satan's hair after the their bowl game win over Florida? The player was never seen again but a bloody severed hand and two vertibrae were found at a truckstop on northbound I-75.“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.” - Groucho MarxComment
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Jean Claude Van Damme was never in Bloodsport II, it was an outrage.Comment
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Saban uses unconventional motivation. Before the game, he brings out a basket of puppies. He passes the puppies around and let's the team bond with them. At halftime, for every big mistake, he snaps one of their little legs. Fumble? SNAP! Interception? CRACK! Missed assignment on defense? POP!
After the game, if we win, he brings a vet in to set and splint their little legs. If we lose, he takes each puppy out of the basket, one at a time, holds it up, and chokes the life out of the puppy in front of the team. He literally just squeezes the life out of it and then slams its lifeless body against the locker room wall. As he takes the last puppy up, he gives the entire team an icy stare as he chokes the life outta the tiny pup and screams, "I HOPE YOU ARE ALL HAPPY! ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES AND YOU HAVE ALL KILLED THIS LITTLE GUY."
The ends justify the means, if you ask me."The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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Every December, Saban goes to the mall in Tuscaloosa and camps out by where the Santa booth is. You know, where small kids sit on Santa's lap, tell him what they want for Christmas, and get their pictures made.
As each small child makes his way down the exit, Saban grabs the child, literally holds it up by the scruff, and whispers, "There is no God; no Santa. If you want something, you fucking work for it. You're looking for a handout -something you haven't earned- and it makes me SICK." As he sets the child down, he breaks the kid's candycane, and pulls Santa's beard down exposing him as a fake.
Sure, there are tears, but it's a lesson that the children never forget."The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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You forgot the part where he smashes the fingers of Santa's elves with a ball peen hammer.“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.” - Groucho MarxComment
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Jesus, Jon, how about a spoiler alert for those who don't know the whole story?"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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Boys will be boys.Shut the fuck up Donny!Comment
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Nick will talk to the DA.... The third Alabama player arrested with guns. In the first cases one of the guns was stolen. No action taken by the law in the Robinson Jones case, follow the money is the mantra. What policeman gets fired in this case? Certainly will have charges dropped in this case, ruling will be officer should never have arrested him because he plays for Alabama and has diplomatic immunity.Comment
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Some puppy is about to meet his demise...Shut the fuck up Donny!Comment
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