M-Borg vs. THE Flavortown U Thread, Orig. by Buckeye Paul, absconded w/by talent.

[Optimus Prime]

I’ve read cage fighting to the soothing sounds of Barry Manilow will do that to man.

Countless hillbillies lose a leg or an arm, messin' with Gators here in Florida. 11 O'clock news don't lie. Usually Florida Fish and Wildlife hunts and kills the beast especially after they get a taste for human flesh. They often come right up to your property and snatch your loving pet.

Tip to tail he's 10 feet for sure, my buddy nearly ran him over! That's my little brother posing and if it were not for sound mind and body, shat shorts no doubt.

BTW Hack, you know this guy, he's "Swamp People" too and had little respect for Florida Gators.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/07/10/alligator-bites-off-swimming-teen-arm-in-fla/

[hack]

Aha! -- so the Sportin' Lady himself was too fearful of getting that close, but a photograph supposedly to prove he's not a dainty lady but instead a rough-and-tumble tomboy. Ain't that rich...

As you know I used to live down there. (I had the good sense to leave before the gayification process began). I was a crime reporter, and used to on a regular basis talk to Fish and Wildlife guys who complained about this. Most of those injuries are idiots trying to pluck a pet for their kid or something. They do not prey on humans. Prey means hunt and eat. What you're referring to is ``this asshole needs to get out of my space and away from my eggs''. Unless you consider ``showing up in your backyard'' as preying on humans. Amazing; the number of people who drain a swamp somewhere in the interior to build a house and expect the gators that once lived there to stay away. Gators have a homing instinct to return to where they are from, and as it turns out they too like sunning themselves by the pool. I remember in one case a gator literally lying on a lounge chair. Fish and Wildlife won't send a nuisance trapper out until they are at least 8 or 9 feet long if I recall correctly.

[Rob F]

If we ever started giving out "Golden Keyboard" awards here, This tidbit would surely get a nomination:

If I saw that gator I would not pose with it. I would start kicking its ass immediately. First with two short jumpers but then I'd get it going with a kickout to Stauskas, and proceed from there to pummeling its sorry ass for the next two hours.

Good work there, hack---and I think it went right over someone else's head...

p.s. : Honorable mention, too, for the "Sportin' Lady" sticker idea

[hack]

Thanks Rob but it's a team effort. You can't pound a gator into submission without good teammates and a solid game plan.

[Optimus Prime]

Michigan 79 - Florida 59, droll.


Crime reporter, Wooo sounds dangerous!

Did your beat include the SOBE Ponyboy Gay Nightclub mascara stabbings or the former Slave Settlement/Butcher Shop, known as Overtown in Miami?

New Helmet, that would be appreciated, these 29 inch carbon fiber Cannondales are running 11k a pop. Hardtail & Full suspension in the fleet, 2-OP personally, 5 for Team OP, ridiculous.

http://www.cannondale.com/2013/bikes...arbon-ultimate

[hack]

Wasn't dangerous; I didn't do a lot of the breaking news stuff and never made it into Dade unfortunately. Was Broward and Palm Beach for me; too junior at the time to get to work in Dade. Preferred the features and investigative things. It was never going to be my thing long term, but it was a hell of a lot of fun for it being work, and a great first job. I liked writing about white-collar crime (SoFla a hot spot), and there was the crime-stats scandal in Boca in the late 90s and an ensuing power struggle in that PD that was utterly fascinating to watch. The deputy chief leaked the faking of crime stats on assumption that the chief would be dumped and he would get the job, but then they hired from the outside, and the internal scheming continued on and on.

Dunno if you remember the 84-year-old woman who was dragged under a car after a bunch of kids tried to steal her purse outside a restaurant on Glades Road in 99 or so, but that was probably the highest-profile breaking-news sorta thing I did. They tried to take her purse and she said no and stood in front of their car. They were literally kids, and they panicked. Ran her over trying to escape, as people were starting to notice, and she (well, her corpse, really) ended up getting dragged under the car onto the on-ramp of I95 southbound.

The most dangerous thing that ever happened was getting hit on by 50something epileptic woman the shape of a basketball and with toenails so long they curved down to the floor. She used to procure prostitutes for her 84-year-old father, and they filed a police report in Delray accusing one of stealing money from his pants. Since you gotta wonder what 84-year-old gets it up enough for that, I called up and got invited over. The guy bragged of being an opera singer who had performed in Florence and also a home builder who built the only stuff in Homestead that stood up to Andrew in '94. Also said he built Jayne Mansfield's house in LA and she invited him to christen it with an orgy. And that he'd been on Larry King Live, and on and on. And then the daughter said she thought I was cute, and then a second time, so I fumbled up an excuse and scooted outta there pretty fast. I checked it all out later and it turns out he wasn't a senile old braggart at all -- the stuff he said that was verifiable actually checked out.

Thank you for the information about nightlife. If I ever need anything further on gay stripclubs in Miami though, I'll be sure to ask you first.

[Optimus Prime]

I'm gonna call you Hack-istan! Anderson Cooper has nothing on you.

I used to live Boca/Delary, Atlantic Blvd. & Jog Rd., Addison Reserve. 95 East to US 1, war zone. Did you cover Boynton Beach?

[hack]

Not as much -- wasn't all that interesting, Boynton, but I forget why. The only thing I ever recall was that they would collect up their do-not-cross tape when clearing out a crime scene and reuse it elsewhere. Thrifty in a very mundane way. That diner just off 95 on the south side of BB Blvd tho -- heck of an omelette available there. I do miss some of those great 50s-era early/charming Florida places. Howlands or something, on Dixie in s WPB. Great brekkie there and super kitschy diner.

Another fun one I remember now that you mention Boynton, and file this in the category of ``Is it worth the effort'?', but some guy tried to steal a six pack out of a gas station on Glades just s of FAU. The attendant gave chase, leaving the gas station unattended. Up I95, through a coupla subdivisions off BB Blvd, smashed through a bus shelter, into somebody's house. TOTALLY WORTH IT TO PREVENT THE THEFT OF SIX BEERS.

I will trust your judgement on Anderson Cooper. You seem to be a lot more familiar with him than I am.

[Optimus Prime]

I would have filled my car up while he left the station unattended.

[hack]

Tenacious MFer for a minimum-wage employee, and pleasingly loyal. But at that salary level you cannot expect solid cost-benefit analysis.

[hack]

There was also so much wacky shit. A woman in her 80s survived 5 days in the bathtub after a fall from which she could not get up. No food. Got a tip at 5 pm, she was happy to talk about it from the hospital, and I now recall a screaming match between editors about whether it belonged on the front page or not. It was really fun in terms of content. The odd time someone would call up to tell me about the Rape of Democracy that had just happened at some homeowners association meeting, and the cops got involved in a dispute over whether a geezer could use the tennis courts at the Boca century village for practicing his serve, because regulations required 2 or 4 players in order to book a court. It was def entertaining. I dunno if I'd mentioned this though, but Florida's just not my kinda place.

[Rocky Bleier]

D. Thomas to the NBA!

http://www.ohiostatebuckeyes.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/040513aaa.html

[hack]

Hopefully to the Pistons top of the second.

[Optimus Prime]

Nice to see Michigan kick the shit out of a coach, although more investigated, just as dirty as Jim Tressel..

[Dr. Strangelove]

It's been a hard decade for Bianchi Prime. Huge win for the bball team and the first thing that comes to his mind it to take a potshot at Senator Tressel.