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Originally posted by AlabamAlum
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California petitions to offer obamacare to illegal immigrants...Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.Comment
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Oh, without a doubt. My weak vocabulary is quite the embarrassment. I am loath to admit this, but I am completely illiterate. I cannot read. But I have a good reason..
In my formitive years, I wasn't afforded the luxury of education. You see, my father was a soldier during the Punic Wars and my mother and I were left to fend for ourselves. To make money, she sold me as a chimney sweep. She would put a wool sweater on me, tie a rope around my waist, and have me scurry up the inside of a chimney. When I got to the top she yanked me down. We would get a few coins and move on to the next house. It was hard but honest work, but breathing the ash made me sickly and I started to waste away.
Later, because of my weight loss, I had to earn a living in other ways. I was too tiny and weak to scurry up the inside of the chimney so I became a psychic. The work was much easier, but at this time in history it was considered witchcraft, which was illegal. I knew that a price was put on my head so I left the country as quickly as I could while the authorities mounted the largest and most intensive manhunt in history. I was never caught, though. To this day I remain a small medium at large."The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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Why not drop you from the top of the chimney? Seems faster and easier.Comment
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and less work for your mom..Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.Comment
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You don't climb atop a thatch roof.Originally posted by hack View Post"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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Reminds me of the time when I lived in Florida, where an arrest ended my career there and I was forced to flee the state. I was working for the Fisheries Department, trying to figure out why dolphins were dying off in massive numbers for unknown reasons. I had my backyard pool filled with salt water where I could observe my subjects 24/7. Although I was never able to determine the cause of the premature mortality, I did discover that if you fed them living seagulls on a regular basis, dolphins’ life expectancy tripled. At least tripled. I did not have a single fatality with this dietary supplement. However, unknown to me, PETA had caught wind of my experiments and notified the federal authorities as dolphins are a protected species. One afternoon as I was returning home from the beach with a trap full of seagulls, I saw a most unusual sight – a lion with a tranquilizer dart sticking out of him, sprawled across my front porch. I was a little unsure how to handle this. If I called the authorities, they would find my stock of seagulls, or worse, the protected mammals in my pool. That wouldn’t be good. So I carefully stepped over the beast to unlock my front door. At that very moment, the FBI jumped out of the bushes, handcuffed me, and hauled me off to the hooskow. The charge? Transporting gulls over a staid lion for immortal porpoises.“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.” - Groucho MarxComment
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you've just replaced Jeff as the worst poster ever..Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.Comment
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"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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I don’t know. I haven’t seen my only son in over twenty years. It all started with my love of baseball. I wasn’t talented enough to make the big leagues so I kept in touch with the game by ump’ing Little League games. And I was a stickler for the rules. If the pitch was close, I called a strike. If a kid questioned my call, instant ejection. If the player showed poor form or swung at a bad pitch, I loudly humiliated him in the coarsest language to motivate him at his next at bat. The meaner I was, the better – I wanted those sisies to get mad and prove me wrong. I would make them better players if it killed them. I had personal protection orders from close to three dozen parents.
What I didn’t realize was that all the kids picked on my boy relentlessly at school. After every game, the team would wait for my kid in front of the school the next morning. They would punch or kick him for every slight I issued the evening before. He paid dearly for my actions, but never said a word. One day it was too much. When I came home from work one day, slumping into a chair, I hoped he’d cheer me up by sitting on my lap and telling me about his day. Instead, he ran screaming and crying out of the house. That was the last time I ever saw him. There was an important life lesson I learned that day: The son never sits on the brutish umpire.“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.” - Groucho MarxComment
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The ratio of set-up to payoff here - wow.Comment
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I was the security officer who threw you braggarts out of the lobby. Being loud and proud of what you did made me sick. God, I hate chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.Originally posted by AlabamAlum View Post“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.” - Groucho MarxComment
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Haha..."The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is sometimes hard to verify their authenticity." -Abraham LincolnComment
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For the love of fuck, someone please page Geezer and SLF to discuss the merits tort lawyers with Stan as moderator. Or burn this fucking thread.Dan Patrick: What was your reaction to [Urban Meyer being hired]?
Brady Hoke: You know.....not....good.Comment
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::::notices the thread is annoying talent::::
AA/Jon.. please continue.Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.Comment
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