Non-Football Related Stuff That Makes you Laugh Your Ass off

[CGVT]

Just because you can never see this one too many times

[ame]http://youtu.be/DJYm-nm5LtU[/ame]

[Malto Marko]

Ha!

What an asshole!

[DanO]

Dumb "ASS".

[Marko69]

Good job it wasn't a Catherine Wheel firework. He'd have an asshole bigger than Hernandez is gonna have.

[Tony G]

[Sharkbait]

LMFAO ^

[Tony G]

Help! I caught my dad with my GF

I've had my GF for 2 years now (practically lives with me) - small white, petite thing, cooks for me, always been good to me.


I go away on holiday for a week, come back and something just doesn't seem right. I asked my dad if he had seen anything happen with my GF and he acts clueless.


So fast forward to 3 weeks later... I'm coming home from work when BAM clear as day, right in my Kitchen I catch my father red handed with his meat in my GF.


I was PISSED, told him to get his meat out of GF and GTFO, needless to say my GF got turned off. I just couldn't get over it and that night kicked my GF to the curb.


Now it's been 2 weeks since the incident and that I've been without my GF and about 10 minutes ago my dad had the audacity to ask my how my GF has been, when he's the damn reason we ain't together no more.


Should I get off the computer and start swinging at him?
OR
Pack my stuff and be on my way.


Here's pics of my GF for you lot as I know you'll ask.

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/3034/85743524.jpg

[Tony G]

[Tony G]

[WingsFan]

Prosecution rests case in Zimmerman trial:

Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. These are from all over.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[Tony G]

[Tony G]

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Parenting Done Right – 18 Pics

Prasad February 24, 2013 0

[Marko69]

The "want today's wifi password" is genius. I'm going to use that with my stepsons. Maybe add a few more terms though......, like, Clean out the cat shit boxes, clean up the senile 19 year old cats piss from the kitchen floor, take all the cats outside and play near a busy road.

[CGVT]

Ha! Too bad you saw this, because now it always will be...

[froot loops]

The best part about the bottle rocket video is his reaction right when the wick is lit and the sparks start raining down on him. Its like he didn't process that part of the equation.