What chu talkin bout Willis? Strange stories....

[Dr. Emmett.L.Brown]

(Butthead voice)
Uhhhh huh huh...uh...hey baby....you want some of my donkey meat?...
uh huh huh huh

[Tony G]

are you threatening me!

[Panoptes]

The first 2014 Darwin Award candidate has surfaced

Pimp sues Nike for not warning shoes could be dangerous if used to beat people

*By Elisha Fieldstadt, Staff Writer, NBC News

A Portland pimp is suing Nike for not placing a warning label in their shoes specifying that they could be used as a dangerous weapon -- after he was sentenced to 100 years in prison for brutally beating a john with his sneaker.

Sirgiorgio Clardy, 26, claims Nike should have placed a warning in the shoes warning consumers that the kicks have the potential to be used as a dangerous weapon, according to The Oregonian newspaper. Clardy is seeking $100 million for what he believes was the shoe manufacturer?s oversight.

In June, Clardy repeatedly stomped on the face of a client with his Jordan Nike shoes when the man refused to pay Clardy?s prostitute. The man required stitches and plastic surgery after the beating.

Clardy was sentenced to 100 years in prison for beating the man as well as attacking an 18-year-old prostitute so violently that she bled from her ears.

Clardy has been charged with numerous felonies and misdemeanors, according to the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office.

The jury in Clardy?s most recent case called him a ?dangerous offender? and classified his shoes as ?a dangerous weapon? in order to assure he received the longest prison sentence possible, according to The Oregonian.

Clardy wrote a three-page complaint against Nike from the Eastern Oregon Correctional Institution where he is incarcerated, reported The Oregonian. In the claim he said Nike ?failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction,? by not cautioning that their shoes are ?potentially dangerous.?

The suit has not yet been served to Nike, The Oregonian said.

Nike spokeswoman Mary Remuzzi said the company had no comment regarding the lawsuit.

[Dr. Emmett.L.Brown]

not that I want to see this scumbag out of prison and walking the streets anytime soon but....a 100 year sentence?

[Malto Marko]

not that I want to see this scumbag out of prison and walking the streets anytime soon but....a 100 year sentence?

That is probably light for the total disregard of human life, given he likely will be eligible for parole.

[Marko69]

Sirgiorgio Clardy has just reminded me of something that I have been meaning to do. I need to sue Zanussi for not having a warning label on my tall fridge/freezer stating that if I were to drop it from a high height near people, some of those people might get hurt. Zanussi slackers.

He will be like Richard Pryor in Stir Crazy........., he'll be 126 years old when he gets out!

[LionsFanInJapan]

Marko, is this guy a JFW fan?

Scottish Man Tries and Fails to Have Sex with a Train Drinks Cart

Sexual attraction to innate objects is nothing new, however a train drinks cart is a new one for us. A Scottish gentleman has been sentenced to 100 hours of community service by Perth Sheriff Court in Scotland after he attempted to have sex with a train drinks cart. It must be noted at the time he was drunk and high, but still it?s a pretty weird sexual fantasy and we aren?t sure if we would fancy anything off the cart after (despite stuff being packaged up).

Originally the Scot; Andrew Davidson flirted with female passengers on the train rather aggressively, only unsurprisingly to have his advances spurned. With one woman who he tried to hold and kiss, broke free and went running off down the train to escape the mad man. So instead he turned to an unattended drinks trolley. He began rubbing himself against the trolley and whispering to it; ?I want to kiss you, I want to f*** you?, basically dry humping it much to the alarm of passengers on board the train.
25-year-old Davidson had no recollection of the event on the ScotRail train ride in July, however he did admit to causing fear and alarm, plus behaving in a threatening or abusing manner. He was added to the sex offenders register, however he has now being taken off, due to the fact that the sexual offence element was not deemed to be significant. Davidson has since wrote the court a letter expressing remorse for his actions.

Davidson?s solicitor, Grant Bruce, said: ?He has no recollection of what happened on the train at all but accepts he behaved in this manner. He was completely intoxicated by alcohol and a legal high. He has now curtailed his social life to a great degree because of this incident. It is something that has never happened before and is unlikely to ever happen again.?

Davidson is not the first person to try to have sex with an inanimate object and we doubt he will be the last, 47-year-old Gerard Streator was caught attempting coitus with an object. He pleaded guilty to having sex with a couch. Another American man was caught having sex with a picnic table using the umbrella hole as an orifice to stick his penis. The man?s neighbour filmed the act four time, leading to arrest. Back to Scotland again and a man decided his bike would be the attraction of his sexual desires. He was caught ?riding? his bike not quite in the conventional way.

This behaviour is called Paraphilia, intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, just so you know.

[Tony G]

Davidson is not the first person to try to have sex with an inanimate object and we doubt he will be the last, 47-year-old Gerard Streator was caught attempting coitus with an object. He pleaded guilty to having sex with a couch.

Gerard Streator, Wisconsin Man, Had Sex With Couch: Cops

[Tony G]

Belligerent Red Sox Prospect Arrested While "Looking To Get Some Pussy"

10,197 Tom Ley

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Tom LeyFiled to: police blotter

• jon denney
• boston red sox
• teens
• mlb
• baseball

39 minutes ago

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19-year-old Jon Denney was drafted by the Boston Red Sox in the third round of last year's amateur draft. He does not appear to be a very smart dude.
According to a police report obtained by Yahoo's Jeff Passan, Denney was stopped by Fort Myers police early Thursday morning for driving erratically. He was cited for driving with a restricted license, at which point he offered a refreshingly honest explanation for why he was out at 2:22 a.m.:

When asked by police why he was in the Fort Myers Beach area, Denney, according to police, replied: "Partying and looking to get some pussy."

No word on whether Denney tried to high-five the cops after explaining himself, but we have to assume that he at least went for a fist bump.
Unfortunately for Denney, his night did not end there. He called a friend to come pick him up, but a few hours later police spotted him getting into his truck and driving it out of a parking lot. When he was pulled over once again, he tried the big-timer routine on the cops:

According to police, Denney said "he was a Boston Red Sox player and he didn't care [sic] he had money and made more money than we would ever see." When handcuffed, the report said, Denney said "he would be out in no time because of who he played for and that he made three million a year."

Never forget that most 19-year-olds are deeply stupid people.

[edindetroit]

Never forget that most 19-year-olds are deeply stupid people.

And some day we will be reading about him filing for bankruptcy.

[Panoptes]

awesome

Gun tattoo in Maine prompts heavy police response

Police armed with assault rifles descended on a Maine man's home after members of a tree removal crew he'd told to clear off his property reported that he had a gun.

Turns out the "gun" the tree crew had seen on Michael Smith of Norridgewock was just a life-sized tattoo of a handgun on his stomach.

Smith, who works nights, was asleep when the tree crew contracted by a utility to trim branches near power lines, woke him up at about 10 a.m. Tuesday.



"I got plans today. I didn't want to get shot"
- Mike Smith

He went outside shirtless and yelled at the workers to leave. When he's not wearing a shirt, the tattoo looks like a gun tucked into his waistband.

Smith tells the Morning Sentinel the tattoo has never been a problem before.

"I got plans today. I didn't want to get shot," Smith reportedly said.

Police didn't charge him.

Smith reportedly said that he does not regret getting the life-size handgun tattoo and recalled a time he was arrested once on a warrant for an unpaid fine.

"I said, 'Yeah, I got this gun on me all the time. It's tattooed on,'" he told the arresting officer.

The Associated press contributed to this report

[LionsFanInJapan]

This sounds like something directly out of a crime drama...

The motive must be identity theft. Just crazy though.

Nurse's body was sent from Osaka to Tokyo in package marked 'doll'

CRIME MAY. 27, 2014 - 12:30PM JST ( 27 )TOKYO —

Police on Monday were investigating the case of a young nurse whose corpse was sent by parcel post across Japan in a box that claimed to contain a doll.

The body of Rika Okada was found in a rental storage room in Hachioji last week. Investigators also found the 2-meter crate in which it had been transported from Osaka, reports said.

The delivery service that ferried the package—marked with the Japanese word for “doll”—400 kilometers to the capital had been paid in Okada’s own name. The bill for the storage room’s short-term rental had been settled using her credit card.

The body of the 29-year-old, who had been missing since late March, had more than a dozen stab wounds, local media reported, but no defensive injuries on her hands or arms.

Police in Osaka refused to confirm details, but reports said a woman who had been at elementary school with Okada had flown out of Tokyo earlier this month using the dead woman’s passport.

The schoolmate, who was not named, is believed to have lived just a few hundred meters from the storage room with a Chinese woman of about the same age.

Both women flew from Tokyo’s Haneda airport on the same flight, bound for Shanghai.

Just before she went missing, Okada wrote on her Facebook page that she was going to meet up with an old friend whom she had not seen for a decade.

[bimmer84]

wow! 'Haven't seen that is a TV plot yet.

[Panoptes]

Chinese boy can't hear his cartoons, cuts high-rise worker's safety rope

Saturday cartoons are very, very,*veryimportant to one 10-year-old Chinese boy.

A worker was installing lighting on the outside of a high-rise apartment building when a boy appeared at an eighth-floor window and*began sawing through the worker's safety rope.*Apparently, the construction racket was drowning out the kid's cartoons, and he decided this would be an effective way to restore some silence.

"I shouted at him to stop, but he didn't listen and soon after, the rope was broken," the worker told Chinese new outlet*Xinhua. "That's when I called to my workmate for help."

Forty minutes later, several firemen rescued the worker from his precarious position. Police questioned the boy, who eventually admitted to his actions. The kid's dad came home and apologized to the worker.

He also gave him a new safety rope.

[Marko69]

In the ten year old Chinese kids defence, Wile E Coyote was always falling from high heights and surviving. No big deal.