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Italian divers searching the stricken cruise ship in the Mediteranean have found 2 Glaswegians in the bar. They have told the divers to fuck off, they are all inclusive.
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"...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex Ferguson -
hehe Marko
Rumour has it the Scottish Salvage team is on standby to pump off all the wines and spirits!Comment
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That's the spirit Lads!!
George Michael has sympathised with the captain of the stricken Italian liner saying
'I'm often left abandoned and lying on my side with a badly damaged arse after a nights cruising"...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex FergusonComment
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"As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for thefood, and I would even thank you more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. Andliberty and justice for all! Amen!"
-----------------------------LMAO.
"He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in frontof the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Shove it upyour ass you grouchy old bitch! "
---------------------------Did he really? That's awesome.GO LIONS "24" !!Comment
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Benny Blades~"If you break down this team man for man, we have talent to compare with any team."Comment
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Benny Blades~"If you break down this team man for man, we have talent to compare with any team."Comment
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Benny Blades~"If you break down this team man for man, we have talent to compare with any team."Comment
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After a pint too many, Joe notices a large glass jug stuffed with 20 dollar bills over the bar.
"Whaz that for?" he slurs to the bartender.
"Joe", the bartender says,"That's a standing bet you want no part of".
"Whad'ya mean by that?", asks Joe, insulted.
"Well", replies the bartender, now amused, "Every man taking the bet puts in a twenty. The first to complete 3 tasks gets the jug. First, see our bouncer, Butch? He's a 3-time MMA heavyweight champ. You gotta take him out front and beat him. Second, out back, we have a 20-foot gator with a bad tooth and a terrible disposition. You have to take the pliers on his cage and pull that bad tooth. Last, but certainly not least, upstairs is one-eyed Mary the worlds oldest whore. She hasn't an orgasm in 50 years. Make her cum and you've won the bet".
Joe growls, "Line me up 5 shots of rotgut".
He downs all 5 shots, puts 20 in the jar, hikes up his britches and heads for the bouncer, blood in his eye. They step outside. There are a series of dull thuds, oofs and a plop. Joe comes back, reeling a bit more and says, "one down".
He staggers through the back door to the gator pen. Patrons hear the sound of screaming and tearing, the sound of a massive tail thrashing and breaking heavy wood planks. Joe reels back into the bar, clothes torn, bleeding from a multitude of scratches and bites. He gathers himself, stands up a little straighter, pulls his ripped and bloody clothes together and asks,
"All right, where's the whore with the bad tooth?"I feel like I am watching the destruction of our democracy while my neighbors and friends cheer it onComment
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oy vey....AAL:to be determined
2011 NFL Draft Wish List:
1. Patrick Peterson Cornerback LSU
2. Mark Herzlich Outside Linebacker Boston College
3. John Moffitt Center Wisconsin
4. Steve Schilling Guard Michigan
5. Jeremy Kerley Wide Receiver TCU
6. Carl Johnson Tackle Florida
7. Johnny Patrick Cornerback LouisvilleComment
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12 Most Embarrassing Family Portraits… with Pets
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conjunctivitis.com
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That's a site for sore eyesAAL Quintez Cephus
If you fall during your life, it doesn't matter. You're never a failure as long as you try to get up.Comment
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My baby picture."Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "Comment
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In honor of the tax season...
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said ?I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"
"Good question" noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?" "Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well I see" he went on, "What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."Comment
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Ha!I feel like I am watching the destruction of our democracy while my neighbors and friends cheer it onComment
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