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I was at a wedding reception when the DJ announced 'all the married men out there go and stand by the person who makes your life worth living'... The barman was crushed to death.
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AAL Quintez Cephus
If you fall during your life, it doesn't matter. You're never a failure as long as you try to get up. -
A guy is sitting trying 2 catch a fish through the ice when he hears a loud, booming voice say: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE" guy says: " Jesus, Holy Mary, mother of Christ, is that you there God?" The voice booms back: "NO U THICK BASTARD, IT'S THE ICE RINK MANAGER"AAL Quintez Cephus
If you fall during your life, it doesn't matter. You're never a failure as long as you try to get up.Comment
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AAL:to be determined
2011 NFL Draft Wish List:
1. Patrick Peterson Cornerback LSU
2. Mark Herzlich Outside Linebacker Boston College
3. John Moffitt Center Wisconsin
4. Steve Schilling Guard Michigan
5. Jeremy Kerley Wide Receiver TCU
6. Carl Johnson Tackle Florida
7. Johnny Patrick Cornerback LouisvilleComment
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Dean....., joke for you:
After last nights performances, both Manchester clubs will be releasing their new perfume for Christmas......, it'll be called Channel No 5."...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex FergusonComment
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LOL Hadn't heard that and it totally passed me by that they will indeed be on C5. Bet they're rubbing their hands!Originally posted by Marko69 View PostAAL Quintez Cephus
If you fall during your life, it doesn't matter. You're never a failure as long as you try to get up.Comment
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The new Taylor Swift blow up doll comes with optional bottle of perfume...
Benny Blades~"If you break down this team man for man, we have talent to compare with any team."Comment
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LoflOriginally posted by Tony G View PostThe new Taylor Swift blow up doll comes with optional bottle of perfume...
19.1119, NO LONGER WAITINGComment
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Caliber defeats character.
On Bud's Gun Shop Forums the question came up: What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself? The best answer:
My personal favorite defense gun has always been a Beretta Jetfire in 22 short. Over all the years I've been hiking I never leave without it in my pocket. Of course we all know too the first rule when hiking in the wilderness is to use the "Buddy System". For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this it means you NEVER hike alone, you bring a friend or companion, even an in-law, that way if something happens there is someone to go get help.
I remember one time hiking with my brother-in-law in northern Alberta . Out of nowhere came this huge brown bear and man was she mad. We must have been near one of her cubs. Anyway, if I had not had my little Jetfire I'd sure not be here today. Just one shot to my brother-in-law's knee cap and I was able to escape by just walking at a brisk pace.
That's one of the best pistols in my safe...Benny Blades~"If you break down this team man for man, we have talent to compare with any team."Comment
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Here's an oldie but a goodie .....
A man on a business trip decided he wanted a late night bowl of chili. He went out to the local greasy spoon ( I am guessing Waffle House), but when he ordered the chile, the waitress advises him that they are out of chili, the guy in the next booth got the last bowl. He notices the bowl is full, and since he really wanted a bowl of chili, he asks,"are you going to eat that?"
Guy says, "no, you can have it."
he grabs the bowl and begins to devour the chili. About half way through the bowl, he looks and discovers a dead mouse nestled in the chili. He becomes sick and pukes his guts into the bowl.
The guy in the next booth leans over and says, "yeah, that's about as far as I got, too.""Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "Comment
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."Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "Comment
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Subject: Winter Warning
I just got off the phone with friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
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Last edited by Tony G; January 7, 2012, 08:51 AM.Benny Blades~"If you break down this team man for man, we have talent to compare with any team."Comment
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Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant.My six-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace.
As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for thefood, and I would even thank you more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. Andliberty and justice for all! Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark,"That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray.Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"
Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? IsGod mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God wascertainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.He winked at my grandson and said, "I happen to know that God thought that wasa great prayer."
"Really?" my grandson asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark hadstarted this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A littleice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. Mygrandson stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember therest of my life.
He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in frontof the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Shove it upyour ass you grouchy old bitch! "
I feel like I am watching the destruction of our democracy while my neighbors and friends cheer it onComment
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Hahaha, nice.2015 AAL - Ezekiel "Double Digit Sacks" Ansah.Comment
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Too funny not to share! Supposedly a true story!
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back- rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo, "Defrost the chicken.""Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "Comment
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I read "snapped the engineer's back- rest in two" and thought there was some engineer in a lot of pain.2015 AAL - Ezekiel "Double Digit Sacks" Ansah.Comment
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