Joke Thread

[DanO]

Seen it coming.

GO LIONS "09" !!!!!!!!!

[Sharkbait]

Not me, I was fished right in.

[YT]

Good one Deke! That's one of my "oldie but goodie" jokes

[jaadam4]

Its not an ass pervert. Its the girl with the camera's arm!

I jerked off to a chicks armpit? Wow. I guess I'm an armpit guy!

[YT]

I jerked off to a chicks armpit? Wow. I guess I'm an armpit guy!

I heard you also jerked off to a guy's arm pit.

Does sweaty matted hair get you off?

[jaadam4]

YT for the last time I'm not interested in jerking off on you. Homo

[Coop]

2 x ghey !

[DanO]

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

The teacher instructs the class, "Whoever correctly answers my questions can leave early today."

Little Johnny thinks to himself, "Great! I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer her first question."

The teacher then asks the class, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie answers, "Abraham Lincoln."

"That's right Susie, you can go home," says the teacher.

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Next the teacher asks, "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can respond, Mary shouts, "Martin Luther King."

"That's right Mary, you can go," says the teacher.

Johnny is even madder than before.

The teachercontinues by asking, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can even move his lips, Nancy blurts out, "John F. Kennedy."

"That's right Nancy , you may also leave," says the teacher.

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says loudly, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The quickly teacher turns around and sharply asks, "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny says, "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?

GO LIONS "09" !!!!!!!!!

[Malto Marko]

LMAO! Good one to pass on.

Here is a quickie......

What is the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three Ho's......

[YT]

Why did Elin Woods hit Tiger with a golf club?

He needed more iron!

[Malto Marko]

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING...TOUGHNESS COUNTS!


65 above zero:

Floridians turn on the heat.

People in Michigan plant gardens.


60 above zero:

Californians shiver uncontrollably.

People in Michigan sunbathe..


50 above zero:

Italian & English cars won't start.

People in Michigan drive with the windows down..


40 above zero:

Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.

People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.


35 above zero:

New York landlords finally turn up the heat.

People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above zero:

People in Miami all die.

Michiganders close the windows..


Zero:

Californians fly away to Mexico .

People in Michigan get out their winter coats.


10 below zero:

Hollywood disintegrates.

The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.


20 below zero:

Washington DC runs out of hot air.

People in Michigan let the dogs sleep indoors.


30 below zero:

Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

Michiganders get upset because they can't start the Snowmobile.


40 below zero:

ALL atomic motion stops.

People in Michigan start saying...'Cold enough fer ya?'


50 below zero:

Hell freezes over.

Lions win the Super Bowl

[Sharkbait]

Ha! Good one, and that doesn't even include the people in Da U.P.

[Panoptes]

Funny MM.

I've seen that with other cold states inserted.

[silverNblue]

A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.

Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, ?Which Branch of Service is the best??

St. Peter replied, ?I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.?

Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the answer.

Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows:

?Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ?Honorable and Noble?. Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that.

(signed)
GOD, USN (Ret.)?

[Sharkbait]

Yes!!!