Joke Thread

[DanO]

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger.
In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days.
But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.
What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who
whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on
his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's Tent
and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have
very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days.
What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought
to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the
horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,Silver again
returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following
morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of
many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow.
"What is your last request?"
The Lone Ranger responds," I'd like to speak to my horse….ALONE."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the
Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks
him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully, you dickhead,
for the last time………. . BRING POSSE!!!!

GO LIONS "09" !!!!!!!!!

[jaadam4]

hahahaha.

[Stone Hawk One]

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, 'Is

It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin

People to git cancer ?'

'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.

'And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer

makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?'

'Sure is, Bubba.'

'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was

gave that hot coffee that she ordered?'

'Yep.'

'And that football player sued that university when he

Gradiated and still couldn't read?'

'That's right,' said the lawyer.'
'But why are you asking?'

'Well, I was thinkin...

What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all

them ugly women I slept with?'

[OR Lion]

The most romantic thing you'll ever see...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

[Malto Marko]

A beautiful sunset can sure be inspiring, eh?

[killrbrew]

A man came home from bring out of town for a week and tried to snuggle up to mama for some loving and she said oh no not tonight I have to go to the gynocoligist tommorrow the man says alright do you have a dentist app.?

[MiamiTreo3]

Uhh... Horrible delivery ^

[OR Lion]

Yeah, good joke but took me a minute to figure it out.

[DeanUK]

Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise',
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'
The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'










'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!

[CGVT]

Hundreds Attend Global Warming Protest...

[Malto Marko]

Yeah, good joke but took me a minute to figure it out.

That is because you were checking the appointment book.

[yooperman]

98% of drivers who spin out on snowy roads say "Oh shit!!"

The other 2% are Yoopers who spin out and say "Here, hold my beer and watch this!!"

[yooperman]

Three Yooper guys go to camp. They get really drunk and all crash in the same bed. The next morning they wake up and one who slept on the outside says "Man I had a wierd dream last night. I dreamt someone was jacking me off"

The one that slept on the other side says "I had the same dream"

The one who slept in the middle said "I had a wierd dream too. I dreamt I was cross country skiing"

[Malto Marko]

The Detroit Red Wings A foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play hockey in the new American sponsored league, and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the US

..... Ken Holland signs him to a one year contract and the kid joins the team for the preseason.

Two weeks later the Wings are down 4-0 to the Blackhawks
with only 10 minutes left. Mike Babcock gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in.

The kid is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the Wings! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the ice he phones his mom to tell her about his first day of NHL hockey. "Hello mom, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent."I played for 10 minutes today, we were 4-0 down, but I scored 5 goals and we won.

Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."

"Wonderful," says his mom, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."

The young Iraqi is very upset.

"What can I say mom, but I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? You're Sorry? !!" says his mom,

"It's your fault we moved to Detroit in the first place!"

[MiamiTreo3]

Good one Malto!!