Joke Thread

[DanO]

Ya but she's intelligent.

"DUCK DANO"

GO LIONS "08" !!!!!!!!

[romster]

5th *Place
A *flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check *tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and *he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid *she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your *stub.'

LOL!

[foxhopper]

The 7 Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they are the 7 Dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe .'

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......


'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'


_________________

[FVD]

Two guys are driving down the street in one of em's truck. They pass two dogs screwing on someone's front lawn.

One guy says "man, that really is the best way to make love".

The second guy says "I dunno man, my wife is really conservative when it comes to those sorts of things."

The first guy says "Just fix her a martini or two, she'll get into it".

The next day they see each other:

The first guy says "How did it go?"

The second guy said "It went pretty well, but it took seven martinis."

"Seven Martinis!?!" the first guy asks.

"Yeah, after two she was feeling frisky alright, but it took five more to get her out on that guy's lawn."

[Rocky Bleier]

Can someone re-post the one about the elderly couple who takes a ride in a helicopter for $50?

[yooperman]

Three old guys are walking down the street. The first guy says "It's windy today" The second guy says "It's not Wednesday, it's Thursday" The third guy says "I'm thirsty too, lets get a drink"

Man, that's a corny joke, sorry.

[Malto Marko]

Can someone re-post the one about the elderly couple who takes a ride in a helicopter for $50?

I believe I posted that and will have to look and see if I can find it.

[romster]

[DanO]

lol.

GO LIONS "08" !!!!!!!!

[CGVT]

I found this at the Tigers Forum. Ha!

Cthulhu - Nov 10, 2008 1:01 pm (#294 of 299)

Nov 10, 8:14 AM EST

NC teen who studied crash deaths dies in wreck

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) -- A North Carolina teenager who studied teen highway deaths as a senior high school project is dead after a crash.

18-year-old Shannon Nicole Adkins graduated last spring after turning in a report about the risks facing young drivers on the mainly rural roads of Johnston County.

The News & Observer of Raleigh reported Monday that Adkins was the 27th Johnston County teen to die in a wreck since the start of 2006 and the second in just over a week.

The highway patrol said Adkins was driving a pickup truck when another pickup crossed into her lane Saturday night and struck her head-on.

The other driver was a 29-year-old woman who was hospitalized in fair condition and charged with driving while impaired.

---

Information from: The News & Observer, http://www.newsobserver.com

Tony G - Nov 10, 2008 3:32 pm (#295 of 299)
Thank God she didn't study nuclear war!

[shinpoe]

I found this at the Tigers Forum. Ha!

Cthulhu - Nov 10, 2008 1:01 pm (#294 of 299)

Nov 10, 8:14 AM EST

NC teen who studied crash deaths dies in wreck

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) -- A North Carolina teenager who studied teen highway deaths as a senior high school project is dead after a crash.

18-year-old Shannon Nicole Adkins graduated last spring after turning in a report about the risks facing young drivers on the mainly rural roads of Johnston County.

The News & Observer of Raleigh reported Monday that Adkins was the 27th Johnston County teen to die in a wreck since the start of 2006 and the second in just over a week.

The highway patrol said Adkins was driving a pickup truck when another pickup crossed into her lane Saturday night and struck her head-on.

The other driver was a 29-year-old woman who was hospitalized in fair condition and charged with driving while impaired.

---

Information from: The News & Observer, http://www.newsobserver.com

Tony G - Nov 10, 2008 3:32 pm (#295 of 299)
Thank God she didn't study nuclear war!

i just find it sad to see someone die so young.

[Timmy]

Of course its tragic, but I'm sure CGAL has fished a few bodies from the drink in his day and you need a macbre sense of humor to survive seeing that stuff. A friend who is a deputy has the darkest sense of humor of anyone I've ever known or heard on TV even. He told me there's really no way to deal well with seeing bodies of those who die tragically but in order to keep your sanity you have to find a coping mechanism. His way is a sense of humor about things.

[YT]

Absolutely Timmy!

To an outsider it may seem very callous and disrespectful, but to those that do this kind of work for a living, it's a way to stay sane and still be able to do the job.

[CGVT]

Hey, the joke wasn't that the poor girl was killed in an accident, of course that was tragic, or even the irony of the girl doing a study on young people getting killed in car accidents and then getting killed in one herself. It was the comment by the next poster...

Thank God she didn't study nuclear war!

[King Cole]

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!


Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.'

So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.'

So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.'

So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.'

The doctor asked, 'Where?' Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'