Joke Thread

[Marko69]

Was your car sitting on Ebron hands after a show, Dean?

[CGVT]

The meat glued to Ebron's face is impeding his vision.

Must not be hinged correctly

[Marko69]

The meat glued to Ebron's face is impeding his vision.

Must not be hinged correctly

[DeanUK]

Was your car sitting on Ebron hands after a show, Dean?

Funnily enough he was supposed to be meeting me there. Said he was going to catch a bus there. Never turned up.

[DeanUK]

For the 7th year in a row, Rick Astley refuses to give his wife her favorite Pixar movie for Christmas

[LionsFanInJapan]

That is a very specific joke.

[Newbomb Turk]

For the 7th year in a row, Rick Astley refuses to give his wife her favorite Pixar movie for Christmas

nice

[Malto Marko]

This one is for Wee Marko.......

Mrs.Blanchett’s furnace stop working so she calls a serviceman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, “I’ll leave the key under the doormat. Fix the furnace, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll send money to your account. Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my doberman; he won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, talk to the parrot!”


When the serviceman arrives at Mrs.Blanchett’s flat the next day, he discovers the biggest and scariest doberman he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lays there on the carpet watching him go about his business.


The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the serviceman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you idiot ugly bird!”


The parrot responded, “Get him,Apollo.”

[Malto Marko]

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.


A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.


A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

[DetroitRockCity]

Hah!

[dsred]

Priests in Training

The elder priest says:
"if you are to be priests, you must learn to resist the allure of women. You must tie bells to each of your penises to betray your arousal. Strip down."

So the young budding priests strip down and tie bells to their penises.

Then the elder priest brings in a hot blonde with big boobs, a nice ass, etc.
Facing the three young naked priests with bells on them, she goes over to the first one and strip teases him. Within 5 seconds: "ding a ling a ling!"
"You still need work", says the elder, "But for now, go take a shower".

The first priest in training leaves, and then the blonde strip teases and kisses the second apprentice. After 15 seconds of this, he finds this too much."Ding a ling a ling!"

"Bill, you are better, but still need work. go take a shower with joe." So he leaves, and then the woman is left with the last priest.

She works her magic, kissing and licking and trying to give him a boner, but nothing she does works. The elder priest says: "Good job Bob, you have surpassed your peers. go take a shower with Joe and Bill".

"Ding a ling a ling!"

[Malto Marko]

LOL!

[Panoptes]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

[Malto Marko]

Groan........

[dsred]

What, did you tie one on too?