Joke Thread

[dpatnod]

Ok, Pat & Mick are walking around Detroit Zoo. They hear the sound of a bucket lorry lifting something heavy.
"Widye git a look at the hydraulics on that there larrrry there, Mick."
"''Tis unbelievable, isn't it? And git a look at the high bollocks on that there Giraffe over there, Pat."

Think you've got to be fkn steaming to read these. Go get pished, Dpat.

No bawsacks?

[LionsFanInJapan]

No bawsacks?

That's the difference between Ireland and Scotland, dpat.

[CGVT]

I suppose understanding the concept of a proper Irish joke will go a long way to finding that funny. Americans generally don't get the humour. They do have to be told though as the Irish accent makes it funnier. But CGVT saw the humour in words so there is hope over there!

My daughter was stuck in the car with me for 7 hours today. I told her that joke. She just rolled her eyes at me. I, of course, cracked up.

[Malto Marko]

My daughter was stuck in the car with me for 7 hours today. I told her that joke. She just rolled her eyes at me. I, of course, cracked up.

[entropy]

One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mom, how come every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your room you're on top of each other?" His mother, very surprised, replies; "Honey you know how fat daddy is, I'm jumping on top of him to help him lose weight." The boy knows that's not working and tells his mother why... "Mom that's not going to help, because the lady next door comes by after you leave for work, and blows him back up again!"

[entropy]

James and Beverly Jenkins had been married for twelve years when they mutually agreed to end it and get divorced. After the divorce was granted, that same day, as they stood facing each other for what could be the last time, James asked Beverly if she would mind him asking one last question. "Not at all, go right ahead," she replied. "Well, their is one thing that has always bother me. We have five kids with brown hair but youngest one, little Jimmy, has blonde hair. So, please tell me, whose kid is Jimmy?" "I just can't tell you, James. The answer would hurt you too much." "I'll be fine. Now that we're divorced, finding out whoever Jimmy came from can't hurt me too much." "Well, if it's that important to you...Jimmy is your child."

[entropy]

A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal. Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint "what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night" she asked? All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled "Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole"!

[entropy]

Q: Why did the boy blush when he opened the refrigerator?
A: He saw the salad dressing !

[Malto Marko]

Salad dressing........groan.

[jaadam4]

Ok those were funny!

[Marko69]

The next door neighbour "blowing him up again" has already been copied and pasted and forwarded on to people. Great laugh.

[jaadam4]

I was hoping UKMarko69 would see those and get an idea of what humor is

[Marko69]

We invented HUMOUR, sac breath!

[dsred]

At least you spell HUMOUR the right way, bawsack.

[Marko69]

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.urbandictionary.com/define.php%3Fterm%3Dbawsac%26amp%3Dtrue

No "k", Red.

Come on , man. Spell it properly ffs.