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Joke Thread

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  • Originally posted by Marko69 View Post
    Got banned from B&Q today. Some ar$ehole in an orange apron came striding up to me asking if I wanted decking.
    Luckily I got the first punch in.
    Scottish equivalent of Home Depot?
    "Your division isn't going through Green Bay it's going through Detroit for the next five years" - Rex Ryan

    Comment


    • British equivalent would be more accurate. We invented everything, but can't have the English thinking we invented that too!
      "...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”

      Sir Alex Ferguson

      Comment


      • What in the hell is this world coming to?

        I just heard that the Energizer bunny was arrested.

        He has been charged with battery.
        I long for a Lions team that is consistently competitive.

        Comment


        • That's terrible Mark.. Terrible
          F#*K OHIO!!!

          You're not only an amazingly beautiful man, but you're the greatest football mind to ever exist. <-- Jeffy Shittypants actually posted this. I knew he was in love with me.

          Comment


          • Murphy, Murphy & Murphy Solicitors in Ireland.

            "Hello, can I speak with Mr Murphy please?"
            "I'm sorry, Mr Murphy was involved in a skiing accident. He's in hospital."
            "Oh, not good. Well can I speak with Mr Murphy then?"
            "Ah, sadly no, he fell overboard while out fishing last night. He too is in hospital."
            "Oh dear oh dear, not good at all. Well is it possible to speak with Mr Murphy then?"
            "Speaking. How can I help?"
            "...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”

            Sir Alex Ferguson

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Marko69 View Post
              Murphy, Murphy & Murphy Solicitors in Ireland.

              "Hello, can I speak with Mr Murphy please?"
              "I'm sorry, Mr Murphy was involved in a skiing accident. He's in hospital."
              "Oh, not good. Well can I speak with Mr Murphy then?"
              "Ah, sadly no, he fell overboard while out fishing last night. He too is in hospital."
              "Oh dear oh dear, not good at all. Well is it possible to speak with Mr Murphy then?"
              "Speaking. How can I help?"
              Damn, that is stupid, but I laughed at it. Ha!
              I feel like I am watching the destruction of our democracy while my neighbors and friends cheer it on

              Comment


              • Yes, the crazier the Irish jokes, the better in my opinion. That one is always better told instead of written down. Nine times out of ten you'll get some twat saying "groan" after reading it. But they can fuck off and stand in the corner with the "so" cunts.

                Joking. Calm down now.
                "...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”

                Sir Alex Ferguson

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Marko69 View Post
                  Nine times out of ten you'll get some twat saying "groan" after reading it.
                  Groan
                  Groan
                  Groan
                  Groan
                  Groan
                  Groan
                  Groan
                  Groan
                  Groan
                  Groan

                  .......make that ten out of ten..........
                  I long for a Lions team that is consistently competitive.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Malto Marko View Post
                    Groan
                    Groan
                    Groan
                    Groan
                    Groan
                    Groan
                    Groan
                    Groan
                    Groan
                    Groan

                    .......make that ten out of ten..........
                    This from the energiser Bunny?! Come on, man. At least I resisted the temptation!
                    "...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”

                    Sir Alex Ferguson

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Marko69 View Post
                      Yes, the crazier the Irish jokes, the better in my opinion. That one is always better told instead of written down. Nine times out of ten you'll get some twat saying "groan" after reading it. But they can fuck off and stand in the corner with the "so" cunts.

                      Joking. Calm down now.
                      Groan!
                      "Your division isn't going through Green Bay it's going through Detroit for the next five years" - Rex Ryan

                      Comment


                      • I suppose understanding the concept of a proper Irish joke will go a long way to finding that funny. Americans generally don't get the humour. They do have to be told though as the Irish accent makes it funnier. But CGVT saw the humour in words so there is hope over there!
                        "...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”

                        Sir Alex Ferguson

                        Comment


                        • Another Murphy joke will land you on the ignore list.
                          Lions Fans.

                          Demanding Excellence since Pathetic Patricia Piddled the Pooch!

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by dpatnod View Post
                            Another Murphy joke will land you on the ignore list.
                            Lol
                            F#*K OHIO!!!

                            You're not only an amazingly beautiful man, but you're the greatest football mind to ever exist. <-- Jeffy Shittypants actually posted this. I knew he was in love with me.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by dpatnod View Post
                              Another Murphy joke will land you on the ignore list.
                              Ok, Pat & Mick are walking around Detroit Zoo. They hear the sound of a bucket lorry lifting something heavy.
                              "Widye git a look at the hydraulics on that there larrrry there, Mick."
                              "''Tis unbelievable, isn't it? And git a look at the high bollocks on that there Giraffe over there, Pat."

                              Think you've got to be fkn steaming to read these. Go get pished, Dpat.
                              "...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”

                              Sir Alex Ferguson

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Malto Marko View Post
                                What in the hell is this world coming to?

                                I just heard that the Energizer bunny was arrested.

                                He has been charged with battery.
                                If you put the battery in backwards, he will just keep coming and coming and coming...
                                Lions free since 6/23/2020

                                Comment

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