Joke Thread

[DanO]

Saw the later coming.

LMAO at the former.

[YT]

A retired couple from Ohio are traveling through the US & stop in a diner in Phoenix for lunch. Sitting there a good looking younger man walks up to their table & asks if they are from Ohio.

The old lady, who is a bit deaf, asks her husband in a raised voice what the the young man said. The husband replies to her what the young man had asked about being from Ohio.

The young man then mentions he's once spent 2 weeks in Ohio. The old lady asks what he said & once again the old man replies loudly what the young man had said.

The young man then says he once had sex with a woman from Ohio. Again, the old lady asks what & the old man repeats the statement.

Then the young man says that this woman was the worse, most boring sex he's ever had. Once again the old lady asks what he said & the old man says that the young guy is sure he knows the old woman intimately.

[Sharkbait]

...

[Malto Marko]

You drink it all up.

[CGVT]

Well played.

[Panoptes]

...

You drink dem all up? Or should I say DOCtuh

Used to dig that song as a kid.

[Trickalicious]

You drink it all up.

I don't know where you got that photo but it isn't funny. It was my b-day and those olive garden bastards kicked me out after that.

[LionsFanInJapan]

I don't know where you got that photo but it isn't funny. It was my b-day and those olive garden bastards kicked me out after that.

I would kick you out too, if you look like Justin Bieber. FFS man, change that picture. Every time I see it I want to punch my monitor.

[Malto Marko]

I don't know where you got that photo but it isn't funny. It was my b-day and those olive garden bastards kicked me out after that.

You have to order more that just the all you can eat soup and salad if you are going to spend the whole day there.

[dsred]

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aA9OqUuA6a0"]Put The Lime In The Coconut - Harry Nilsson - YouTube[/ame]

[Trickalicious]

I would kick you out too, if you look like Justin Bieber. FFS man, change that picture. Every time I see it I want to punch my monitor.

Why should I change my picture? He's the one that sucks. Everything was fine until that no talent ass clown started winning Grammies.

[LionsFanInJapan]

Sorry Michael.

[Drew]

Why should I change my picture? He's the one that sucks. Everything was fine until that no talent ass clown started winning Grammies.

Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays.

[entropy]

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he
walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a
nearby bar to use the vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They
have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up
in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and
says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got
any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he
proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed.
"Where the hell have you been?!?!" "Well, honey, its like this. I went
to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the
bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there
and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in
bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands
are covered with powder and...
"You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!"

[entropy]

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man
bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the
nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the
house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they
could've at least ironed it!"