Joke Thread

[Marko69]

Young lad who went to see the pope with his dad at the Vatican......,

"Can I wear my Hibs top, dad?"
"Course you can, son."
Just outside the Popes room, there is another young lad with his dad, but they are wearing Hearts tops.
The Pope comes out and immediately begins to talk to the Jambofuckers.
The young Hibs lad is upset.
"Come on, son, we can go into Rome and I'll find you a Hearts top at a sports shop. We can come back tomorrow."
Next day, they are waiting outside the Popes room feeling sick because they are wearing these tops.
The Pope emerges from his room and walks straight to them and begins to speak........
"Thought I told you two c*nts to fk off yesterday?"

[Malto Marko]

LOL!

[DanO]

"Thought I told you two c*nts to fk off yesterday?"
--------------------------------I love how you use the work cunt on a regular basis.

[Marko69]

"Thought I told you two c*nts to fk off yesterday?"
--------------------------------I love how you use the work cunt on a regular basis.

Yes, but only as a joke on a written forum, buddy. I certainly do not use the word out loud. If my wife heard me say that, she'd cut my balls off while asleep. She's a fkn pure psycho c*nt, believe me.

[DanO]

:-)

[Malto Marko]

This tweet came from a downtown bar aimed at a close competitor after they had to close because debris fell from an adjoining building and damaged the back of their structure and needs repair.

We just wanna wish Bronx Bar a speedy recovery. Seriously. Please open back up b/c all ur customers are here tonight and they're assholes.
— 3rd Street Bar (@3rdstbar) [ame="https://twitter.com/3rdstbar/status/586763599491674112"]April 11, 2015[/ame]

[Sharkbait]

Marko69, ..... just for you, Bud, cause it's got your favorite word in it.......

Youngster walks in on his mother just stepping out of the shower, .... pointing at her crotch, he asks, "What's that mom."

"Uh" she answers, ... "that's where God hit me with an axe."

He exclaims, "Whoa, right in the cu*t, huh?"

[CGVT]

Ha!

[Marko69]

MALTO: That was a very funny tweet. And true about a pub in an area of Edinburgh where I used to live years ago. "The Captains Cabin Inn" shut down for refurbishment, so locals went to the more up market, "Liberton Inn" about a mile and a half away. Obviously there were no tweets and stuff back then, but the Liberton Inn had a "THE CAPTAINS CABIN HAS REOPENED CELEBRATION DAY!"

LOL, Sharkbait......, beautiful use of the great word!

Here is another.

Twin boys in kitchen for breakfast.
Mother asks one of then, "What do you want?"
Boy 1, "I'll have some fucking toast please."
Mother goes absolutely mental and shouts, "GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!"
She asks boy 2, "And you? What do you want?"
Boy 2, "Well you are obviously in one c*nt of a mood about toast, so I'll just have some fucking cereal."

[Malto Marko]

So,

I had a customer come in and order 2 international orders to go out.

One went to a Juan in Spain and the other went to Jamal in Saudi Arabia.

She came in to tell me that the one that was sent to Juan was beautiful as he sent her a picture of the arrangement but had not seen the one sent to Jamal. She asked if I could contact the sender in Saudi Arabia to get a picture of what they sent. I told her it was not standard procedure to take a picture of everything that goes out and keep it as a record.

She was very insistent that I contact them and attempt to get a picture.

It was then that I inquired why it was so important.

She said she just wanted to see what it was.

At this point I assured her that if she saw Juan, she has seen Jamal.

[CGVT]

haha

[Sharkbait]

Ha!

[DanO]

Heard that one in a little different capacity Marko. Short version..............What do you want son? Give me some God Damned potatoes. Mom slaps him and looks at next son................what do you want? "I don't know but I sure as hell don't want any of those fucking potatoes."

[wcfwtf]

I heard this one months ago but is appropriate at this time

Aaron Hernandez went to prison as a Tight End, will be leaving as a wide receiver

[Marko69]

Nice one Wcfwtf!