Saw this one bim. Good one.
Announcement
Collapse
No announcement yet.
Joke Thread
Collapse
X
-
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a rather heavy, not too attractive, older lady walked up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a beautiful, young woman stepped out. The father, said quietly to his son, "Go get your Mother"."...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex Ferguson
- Top
Comment
-
Originally posted by dsred View PostQ: What's worn under a Scotsman's kilt?
A: Why, nothing laddie, everything under there's in fine working condition...
But you must remember....... Kilts are worn out to occasions. And at occasions, we get pished. Fk all works down there when pished!"...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex Ferguson
- Top
Comment
-
Serious? Good stuff, LFIJ. When I'm rubber, the knob is too, unfortunately."...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex Ferguson
- Top
Comment
-
"But you must remember....... Kilts are worn out to occasions. And at occasions, we get pished. Fk all works down there when pished! "
--------------------------------------Send me a kilt please. I need to get pished.GO LIONS "24" !!
- Top
Comment
-
Originally posted by DanO View Post"But you must remember....... Kilts are worn out to occasions. And at occasions, we get pished. Fk all works down there when pished! "
--------------------------------------Send me a kilt please. I need to get pished.I long for a Lions team that is consistently competitive.
- Top
Comment
-
President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"
Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"
Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of 9/11, impostors, forgers, money laundering, and bad mortgage underwriting not to mention requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Obama:
“Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Obama:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this check. I need to buy a gift for Michelle for Valentine’s Day"
Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.”
“Another time, Andre Agassi came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where as the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"
Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.”
Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "
- Top
Comment
Comment