Joke Thread

[Tony G]

check this lady out and get back to me on "nutjobs"

[ame]http://youtu.be/1MRE2K3x-AY[/ame]

[ame]http://youtu.be/L4ttVP2cyK4[/ame]

[CreepyLion]

wow. Now that is creepy.

Sarah McLachlan's mom or what...

Push and fan fuckers, push and fan.

[Marko69]

After having sex with Kylie Minogue yesterday I think there are 2 things you all need to know. 1) She really is as sexy as hell, and 2) the staff at Madam Tussauds are a bunch of miserable bastards with no sense of humour.

[Malto Marko]

So, let me get this straight. She goes to this really nice hotel, didn't do anything other than sleep in the bed, and she calls that "giving herself a treat." Before this, was she sleeping on a grate inside an empty refrigerator box or something?

I don't think the fridge had a grate.

[DanO]

" Kylie Minogue"--- I had to google her, Marko. I have to admit that's a damn nice score. Congrats.

[Tony G]

whoosh!

[Marko69]

whoosh!

Well....., it's either a "whoosh"......., or he's winding me up.

Fk off DanO, you are winding me up eh? That's funnier than the joke.

[DanO]

:-) Tony actual thinks I believe you had sex with her. LOL

[DeanUK]

Well, Marko was waxing lyrical

[Tony G]

speaking of lyrical...

[ame]http://youtu.be/IFx3WX4DES0[/ame]

[dsred]

Kind of stiff tho Marko. But do tell, did she melt in your mouth?

[LionsFanInJapan]

Well, Marko was waxing lyrical

Nice one, Dean!

[Panoptes]

Kind of stiff tho Marko. But do tell, did she melt in your mouth?

You know her Brazilian wax job was world class.

[The Cat]

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.



The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'



The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'



The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'



She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'



This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.



The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'



An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.'

[The Cat]

You think you have lived to be 80 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to crap!
An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars.
I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.
When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women.
It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'