Joke Thread

[LionsFanInJapan]

[Islair]

My wife has just told me she is leaving me because I exaggerate too much. I was so shocked, I nearly tripped over my own cock.

Oh that is a good one......I am going to use that today.

[dsred]

My wife has just told me she is leaving me because I exaggerate too much. I was so shocked, I nearly tripped over my own cock.

Screen is now full of spittle. Asshole.

[Marko69]

The wife and I were lying in bed this morning when she said, "I think the romance in this relationship is dead."
I wish she wouldn't speak to me while I'm having a wank.

[dsred]

He's on fire!

[Sharkbait]

An Irish couple, or I suppose they could be a Scottish couple, .....

well anyway, an Irish couple lived way out in the country, never venturing far from home. One day, the husband decided to make a trip to the big city of Dublin, just to see what he was missing. While there he visited a small shop, and found a mirror. When he looked into it, he said, "Well, glory be, they have a picture of me ole' fodder here in this store."

He bought the mirror but on his way home, he thought about how his wife had never gotten along well with his father, and thought it best not to put the mirror up in the house. So, when he got home, he hung the mirror in his work shed. Then every day, before he went fishing, he would stop in the shed and see the picture of his father.

His wife, noticing this particular habit, waited until after he went fishing one morning and went out to the barn. When she looked into the mirror she exclaimed, " A-ha ! ! ! ... so that's the ugly witch he's been cheating on me with."

[LionsFanInJapan]

Ha!

[Sharkbait]

OK, ... So jay Cutler, Matt Fotre, and Brandon Marshall walk into a bar, .......
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well, they are going to watch the playoffs.

[Tony G]

Ex Wife
Bill decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon,he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.

Bill gets this horrified look on his face.She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

?There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.?

"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

?I wasn't ?

[dsred]

This^

[Tony G]

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in,
stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.

I said to him,"Do you know any martial arts, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu"?

He says"No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinese"?
"No",I say,"It's because you're drinking my beer you little prick".

[Tony G]

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news to Laura.

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.

Laura looked up slowly and met the Fortune Teller's gaze. She steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"


For some reason, wives tend to like this joke........

[Marko69]

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in,
stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.

I said to him,"Do you know any martial arts, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu"?

He says"No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinese"?
"No",I say,"It's because you're drinking my beer you little prick".

LMAO! very good

[Sharkbait]

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in,
stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.

I said to him,"Do you know any martial arts, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu"?

He says"No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinese"?
"No",I say,"It's because you're drinking my beer you little prick".

Nice, didn't even see that one coming.

[Toose]

Two blondes standing on the street corner wearing potato sacks.
Which one is the Hooker?





The one who's sack says "Idaho"


Wa Wa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa