Joke Thread

[DetroitDad08]

Clever

[silverNblue]

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!"

Then I would say,"It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the government approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."

[silverNblue]

Truths For Mature Adults

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail.
What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

[Malto Marko]

LOL Silvernblue.

[DetroitDad08]

Lol, Nice... Since you busted out the Little Johnny.......

One morning Grandpa Takes Little Johnny Fishing. After about 30 minutes at the fishing hole Grandpa reaches in his pocket and pulls out a pack of ciggarettes. He then proceeds to place one in his mouth, light it, puff, and blow out a very over-exaggerated mouthfull of smoke with a smile. Little Johnny looks up at his very content Grandpa and says "Grandpa, you think I could have a smoke"? Grandpa turns his head and looks down at Little Johnny and says "Well son, does your penia touch your butt-hole"? Johnny thinks for a minute and then shakes his head No. Then Grandpa replys, "Well son, your not big enough to have a smoke then". About 2 hours later Grandpa reaches in the cooler and pulls out an ice cold beer, pops the top, tips it up, chugs half the can, puts it back down, and lets out a very ecxessive "ahhhhhhhh". Little Johnny looks over at Grandpa and says "Grandpa, you think I could have me a beer"? Grandpa again turns his head, looks down and says "Well son, does your penis touch your butt-hole"? Yet again, Little Johnny shakes his head very discouraged. "Well, your obviously not big enough for a beer then" Grandpa says. About a hour later Little Johnny reaches into his pockett abd pulls out a plastic baggy filled to the top with Oreos. Grandpa hears him munching, turn and looks and says "Hey Little Johnny, you think your Grandpa could get him a couple of Oreos"? Little Johnny turns and looks up at Grandpa and asks "Well Grandpa, does your peins touch your butt-hole? To which Grandpa smiles, nods, and says "Why yes it does"! "Good" says Little Johnny, "You can go fuck yourself, theese are my Oreos"

When I was in Basic one of my instructors told me this joke!

[jaadam4]

Gotta love little Johnny!!

[Sharkbait]

Just for you, Panoptes.........

Driving along, I saw a billboard sign that said: NEED HELP, CALL JESUS 1-800-555-3787 Out of curiosity, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.:-)

[Northernstar3]

hahahahahgahahhaah.that is a good one minnow !!

[Panoptes]

Just for you, Panoptes.........

Driving along, I saw a billboard sign that said: NEED HELP, CALL JESUS 1-800-555-3787 Out of curiosity, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.:-)

Help me Hay-zeus!

[Sharkbait]

I heard the Energizer Bunny was arrested ...
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charged with battery.

[Malto Marko]

Groan.

[jaadam4]

lol

[Sharkbait]

Groan.

hey, I am easily amused. I still laugh when the katsup bottle farts.

[Malto Marko]

hey, I am easily amused. I still laugh when the katsup bottle farts.

Hey, going through what we went through, I laugh when I fart.;-)

[DetroitDad08]

And I love my own brand!