Joke Thread

[jaadam4]

lol

[Sharkbait]

I am officially never eating chili again. No, Wait .... didn't I say that about Beer 80 million times?

[Panoptes]

You don't want a piping hot bowl of Wendy's Hot Finger Chili?

[Sharkbait]

Uhhhhhh ....... No!

[Sharkbait]

Guy gets a job, and his first Monday, he calls in and tells the boss, "Can't come in today, boss, I am sick."

Every Monday it's the same thing, same story. Soon the boss becomes suspicious and calls the man into his office.

"What's the deal with you?" the boss asks. "You are a great worker, but every Monday you call in to tell me you are sick. What's up with that?"

"Well, it's like this" the man says. My sister is married to a wife beater. Every weekend he gets drunk and beats her senseless. On monday morning, on the way to work, I stop to check on her. She leans on my shoulder,... and then one thing leads to another, .and before you know it, we're in bed together making love."

"That" says the boss, "is sick!"

"I know", says the guy "That's what I keep telling you."

[Islair]

Guy gets a job, and his first Monday, he calls in and tells the boss, "Can't come in today, boss, I am sick."

Every Monday it's the same thing, same story. Soon the boss becomes suspicious and calls the man into his office.

"What's the deal with you?" the boss asks. "You are a great worker, but every Monday you call in to tell me you are sick. What's up with that?"

"Well, it's like this" the man says. My sister is married to a wife beater. Every weekend he gets drunk and beats her senseless. On monday morning, on the way to work, I stop to check on her. She leans on my shoulder,... and then one thing leads to another, .and before you know it, we're in bed together making love."

"That" says the boss, "is sick!"

"I know", says the guy "That's what I keep telling you."

Oh thats not any good.....who do you think you are? Tony Washington?

[Drew]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.
They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree.
He gets to within 5 meters, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock.
Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it?"

"Pepe. ees not a bacon tree. Ees


Ees


Ees


Ees



Ees a ham bush....!!!"

[jaadam4]

har har har

[Malto Marko]

Ohhhhh, that is bad!

LMAO, though.

[Panoptes]

lol

A useable joke for once in a long time

[YT]

Drew,

I am offended!

Not because it's a joke about Mexicans, but because bacon should never be hung from trees!

[Drew]

You must not have read to the punchline...IT WASN"T BACON!!!!

[Panoptes]

A.D.YT

[Malto Marko]

Drew,

I am offended!

Not because it's a joke about Mexicans, but because bacon should never be hung from trees!

Are you kidding me? I will not for one second believe you never had a cured ham samich.

I am offended that you were offended!

[YT]

A.D.YT

?????

Are you kidding me? I will not for one second believe you never had a cured ham samich.

I am offended that you were offended!

I was joking Mark. Of course I've had a cured ham samich.

I've also smoked my share of ham..... :-D