That’s sexist you twat
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Originally posted by Marko69 View PostPaddy staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his throat.
The doctor asks him what happened.
"Well it was like this," said Paddy. "I was having a quiet game of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of Cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball; stuck right in the middle of the cows arse. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours."
F#*K OHIO!!!
You're not only an amazingly beautiful man, but you're the greatest football mind to ever exist. <-- Jeffy Shittypants actually posted this. I knew he was in love with me.
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If Darwin was in the Bible...
God: Sacrifice your unblemished lambs to me.
Darwin: Shouldn't we breed our unblemished lambs?
God: Build the ark because I'm going to flood the world. Bring a male and female of each animal onboard.
Darwin: But wouldn't the gene pool be pretty shallow?
God: Silence! Also bring seven male and seven female of each clean animal.
Darwin: Wouldn't it make more sense to bring two or three males and eleven or twelve females?
God: Have your goats look at a striped fence while mating. This will cause their offspring to be striped.
Darwin: God, I've decided that I'm an atheist now."Yeah, we just... we don't want them to go. So that's our motivation."
Dan Campbell at Green Bay, January 8, 2023.
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Originally posted by Iron Lion View PostIf Darwin was in the Bible...
God: Sacrifice your unblemished lambs to me.
Darwin: Shouldn't we breed our unblemished lambs?
God: Build the ark because I'm going to flood the world. Bring a male and female of each animal onboard.
Darwin: But wouldn't the gene pool be pretty shallow?
God: Silence! Also bring seven male and seven female of each clean animal.
Darwin: Wouldn't it make more sense to bring two or three males and eleven or twelve females?
God: Have your goats look at a striped fence while mating. This will cause their offspring to be striped.
Darwin: God, I've decided that I'm an atheist now.
Oh, hang on man, don't burn THAT bush.......
Darwin: What, man? I already burned that shit.
God: Oh ho ho ho h oh ho ho, man, well I hope your're not busy for about a month.....Lions Fans.
Demanding Excellence since Pathetic Patricia Piddled the Pooch!
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One for CGVT.
Q. Why didn't the coastguard rescue the hippie?
A. Because he was too far out man.
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Deborah, hurry with that thumb down emoji thing!"...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex Ferguson
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Great news for insomniacs.
Only 2 sleeps ‘til Christmas."...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex Ferguson
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Note in a bar:
Please be patient with your barman.
Even a toilet seat can only serve one arsehole at a time."...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex Ferguson
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A man with a completely bald head and only one leg is invited to a Fancy Dress Party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
“Dear Sir
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will look just right as a Pirate.”
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and note.
“Dear Sir
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a Monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head, you will really look the part.”
The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.
So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.
A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter:
“Dear Sir
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden syrup over your bald head, let it harden. Then shove your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.”"...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Sir Alex Ferguson
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