Joke Thread

[Panoptes]

AOC, a blonde and a redhead had their car break down in the desert. There was no cell coverage and no traffic, so they decided to walk.

The blonde decided to carry a gallon jug of water so she could get a drink if she got thirsty.

The redhead carried an umbrella for shade.

AOC removed a car door to carry it. That way she could roll down the window when she got hot.

-Just acquired from an anonymous poster on another site.

[Coop]

[DanO]

[Panoptes]

Someone asked AOC to spell the word orange, she replied, the fruit or the color?

[Malto Marko]

The Penis Study[7001] (2).jpg

[edindetroit]

Oy!

[Panoptes]

More like oui, oui, oui!

All of the above.

[Marko69]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00 .His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signals back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signals to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signals, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says fuck you, you don't have the balls to pull the trigger..."

[DanO]

LOL Marko.

[DanO]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00 .His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signals back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signals to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signals, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says fuck you, you don't have the balls to pull the trigger..."

LOL

[DanO]

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

" Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book."

[Marko69]

[DanO]

My son graduates from college on the 14th. He's at Western Michigan U. My daughter graduates from SVSU next year.. My youngest graduates from high school this May and I get an $800.00 raise. No more child support. That's a big YIPPIE!!!

[Marko69]

Great stuff, DanO. Time flies. Nice about the child support ending. I'm assuming your ex Mrs got well after her illness?

[DanO]

Yes she did Marko. She's doing great. She's divorced again. No surprise there but she's talking to me again. That's nice for the children's sake. Her now 4th ex husband left her 4 times before he made it final. Every time he left her she would call me and talk so sweetly.