Joke Thread

[entropy]

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, ?You are back early, what?s wrong?? ?I was stung by a bee!? she said. ?Where?? he asked. ?Between the first and second hole.? she replied. He nodded and said, ?Your stance is far too wide.?


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[jaadam4]

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey ?Hey! what are you doing?? The monkey says ?Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.?
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ?dry?, and that he?s going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, ?What?s the matter with you?!? The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says ?Hey, MONKEY!? The Monkey looks down and says ?FUUUUUCK, DUDE??. how much water did you drink??


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That was pretty awesome

[Panoptes]

Thanks for the laughs entropy.

[Malto Marko]

[jaadam4]

What has 14 arms and stinks like shit?
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The Tigers bullpen

[DanO]

HA!

[entropy]

https://www.facebook.com/WhistleSports/videos/1479090948803858/

Some of these are so bad they are good


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[Marko69]

Was suffering from the dreaded premature ejaculation. Was really getting me down. Felt like a total failure as a husband. Then my wife suggested this cream to rub on down there to help ease the sensitivity. It really works, cos now I don't give a sh*t about her.

[Panoptes]

I saw a progressive liberal walking down the street today wearing one shoe, so I shouted over to him "Hey dude, what happened, you lose a shoe?"

And he shouts back, "No bro, I'm pretty stoked, I just found one!"

[entropy]

I saw a progressive liberal walking down the street today wearing one shoe, so I shouted over to him "Hey dude, what happened, you lose a shoe?"

And he shouts back, "No bro, I'm pretty stoked, I just found one!"

That actually reminds me of a true story...

I grew up on a farm in Nebraska. My parents pretty much grew up where they did and didn't venture too far from home. We went on one family vacation to Branson as a kid and outside of that, all trips were related to the farm sales, livestock sales or 4-H.

So when I went to college in Chicago, it was quite a change for my parents. They visited me once (outside of dropping me off to start school and picking me up after graduation). My dad drove an F-250 with an extended cab to the downtown Marriott which resulted in me driving around to different parking garages to find one where the truck fit. Anyways... we are walking downtown and I'm showing them the sites when this guy tells my dad about a free shoe shine. The rest of the family continues to walk but my dad stops. When we turn around, he is sitting on small chair getting his shoe shined. When the guy is done, he tells my dad it will be $20 for the second shoe. My dad gets up and walks away. One shiny brand new looking shoe and one that clearly came from the farm.

I had to remind Dad about our earlier discussion.. don't stop.

[edindetroit]

That actually reminds me of a true story...

I grew up on a farm in Nebraska. My parents pretty much grew up where they did and didn't venture too far from home. We went on one family vacation to Branson as a kid and outside of that, all trips were related to the farm sales, livestock sales or 4-H.

So when I went to college in Chicago, it was quite a change for my parents. They visited me once (outside of dropping me off to start school and picking me up after graduation). My dad drove an F-250 with an extended cab to the downtown Marriott which resulted in me driving around to different parking garages to find one where the truck fit. Anyways... we are walking downtown and I'm showing them the sites when this guy tells my dad about a free shoe shine. The rest of the family continues to walk but my dad stops. When we turn around, he is sitting on small chair getting his shoe shined. When the guy is done, he tells my dad it will be $20 for the second shoe. My dad gets up and walks away. One shiny brand new looking shoe and one that clearly came from the farm.

I had to remind Dad about our earlier discussion.. don't stop.

Did he look for another free shoe shine for the other shoe?

[entropy]

ha.. I wouldn't let him stop or wander after that..

[Malto Marko]

That is funny Entrophy. I have to admit however, I would have taken the free shoe shine also even if it meant walking around with one shiny and one not so shiny shoe.....

[jaadam4]

So that's where the saying "put your best foot forward.."

Its people walking around with one shinny shoe and one dull!

[Panoptes]

What street urchin thinks a shoe shine is a $20 job?

I get my dress shoes tuned up at a legit cobbler store for $11 out the door.