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Teacher: Ok class, let me hear your sentence with the word "contagious". You James.
James: My brother had a contagious sickness bug.
Teacher: Very good. You Sarah
Sarah: My mum says laughter is contagious.
Teacher: Excellent. And you Jordy Fuckface Nelson.
Jordy: Our neighbour is painting his house with a one inch brush and my dad says it will take that contagious.
Last edited by Marko69; September 21, 2016, 06:20 AM.
Reason: Joke was a picture joke. But the jpg image wouldn't work.
"...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Two muffins are sitting in the oven just chilling and baking. One of the muffins says "whew it's hot in here". The other muffin says "OMIGOSH a talking muffin!".
Last edited by edindetroit; October 14, 2016, 08:03 AM.
"Your division isn't going through Green Bay it's going through Detroit for the next five years" - Rex Ryan
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..."
Poof ... He disappears without a tres.
LOL!
"...when Hibernian won the Scottish Cup final and that celebration, Sunshine on Leith? I don’t think there’s a better football celebration ever in the game.”
Two muffins are sitting in the oven just chilling and baking. One of the muffins says "whew it's hot in here". The other muffin says "OMIGOSH a talking muffin!".
A priest, a politician and an engineer were scheduled to be executed late in the French revolution. It has to be "public", and people are tired of all the bloodshed, so a crowd of spectators is forcibly rounded up.
The priest is brought up to the guiotine and lays down on the table. The executioner pulls the cord and the heavy steel blade descends ... then shudders to a stop in the middle of the track. The executioner is a very smart guy (which is why he is pulling the cord, rather than laying on the table) so he proclaims, "This is a sign from God, that the life of this priest should be spared!" The priest is set free to the delight of the cheering crowd.
Next the politician is brought up and laid on the table. The cord is pulled, and the blade again shudders to a halt in the same place. The executioner proclaims "The grace of God is extended even to this politician!" and the crowd goes wild with joy!
The engineer steps up last and says "You know, if you tighten that bolt, this thing will work."
Grammar... The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.
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