Diary of a Madman---a collection of KANSAS' rants

[dwt1]

I thought we had put the whole Career Day Defense behind us

We did! It is now the Franchise Day Defense

[The Ken]

WEAK

[dwt1]

Not if you think about it, Franchises have been around longer than most peoples careers, therefore the Bar is higher for records you're breaking.

[Kansas]

Exclusive: Kansas interviews Mike Martz

Kansas: Hello, everybody. I'm happy to have Mike Martz the Offensive Coordinator of the Lions with me today. Mike, I'm going to get right down to the question all Lions fans have been asking after last week. Reports have suggested that the owner of the Lions - William Clay Ford Sr.- ordered you to get rookie sensation Calvin Johnson more involved in the offense. Is this true?

Martz: That is an absolute, bald-faced lie.

Kansas: So there's no truth to that report whatsoever.

Martz: Absolutely not. It's a total fabrication of a white lie.

Kansas: A white lie.

Martz: Exactly. A fib.

Kansas: A fib.

Martz: In fact, the mere mention that Ford Sr. communicated with me telepathically to involve Calvin more in the offense is absurd.

Kansas: Telepathically?

Martz: During a phone call.

Kansas: A phone call.

Martz: Well, it was a cell phone. Land lines don't lend themselves very well to telepathic communication.

Kansas: So let me make sure I have this straight. William Clay Ford Sr. ordering you to get Calvin Johnson more involved in the offense was a................let me check my notes...................a bald-faced white lie fib communicated to you telepathically via a call made from a cell phone.

Martz: Exactly. During a face-to-face meeting.

Kansas: He met with you face-to-face?

Martz: I'm pretty sure it was him. I was blindfolded but I recognized the voice.

Kansas: Blindfolded? Where did this meeting take place?

Martz: I don't know. I was blindfolded. I think it was an abandoned warehouse somewhere downtown. At least I think it was abandoned. Again, I was blindfolded.

Kansas: Was there anyone else with him? Like Millen or Marinelli?

Martz: There were a couple of other guys but I'm not sure who they were. Mr. Ford only referred to them as "his goons."

Kansas: What did Ford say to you? Did he make any demands?

Martz: It's all kind of fuzzy. I vaguely remember "pass-happy son-of-a-bitch", "didn't draft Calvin to sit there with his thumb up his ass", blah, blah, blah. I think the jolts of electricity may have affected my memory a little bit.

Kansas: Jolts of electricity?

Martz: Yeah, from the electrodes attached to my nut sack.

Kansas: Good Lord! Did you say anything to Ford?

Martz: It was kind of tough due to the gag in my mouth. But I tried to say things like, "Ow!", "Stop!", "For the love of God!" You know, stuff like that.

Kansas: Holy crap!

Martz: I don't think he was too interested in hearing what I had to say, so I'm pretty sure it was to muffle my screams. Not only from the electricity, but also when they put the gun to my head.

Kansas: They put a loaded gun to your head?!?

Martz: <Laughing> Well, I'm pretty sure it wasn't loaded because it clicked three or four times before I pissed myself. Hoo boy! Did that make that next jolt tingle a bit! <More chuckles>

Kansas: What happened after that?

Martz: Well, they threw me in the back of a car and dumped me on the street next to the practice facility. As they drove away I think I heard someone yell, "Throw the ball to Johnson or next time you're a dead man!", or something like that.

Kansas: And you don't think that influenced you at all to call more plays where Calvin was the primary receiver?

Martz: Absolutely not. I've been doing this for 34 years and won Super Bowls. Nobody tells me what to do.

Kansas: Well, there you have it folks. Obviously there was no pressure whatsoever from Ford Sr. to force Mike Martz into throwing the ball more often to Calvin Johnson. See you next time!

[-Deborah-]

lol! Thanks for clearing that up, Kansas! haha

[yooperman]

LOL-

The whole collection of Kansas, and NBT posts, would make a damn funny book!!!

[SeattleLionsFan]

LOL Kans...

[Sharkbait]

Excellent, as usual, Kansas.

[Jdoggie]

I firgured after a three game losing streak you would have more ammo.

[SeattleLionsFan]

you firgured it huh??

[YT]

Good stuff Kansas!

[Coop]

kansaw back on top of his game !!!

Had a hunch with the victories his fingers might have got a little numb...

[The Cat]

Ford with goons? Jimmy Hoffa?

[Newbomb Turk]

Henry Ford had Goons



William Clay Ford has Goonies

[Kansas]

I firgured after a three game losing streak you would have more ammo.

I didn't want to derail the Optimigo bandwagon....................................yet.