If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.
If you are having difficulty logging in, please REFRESH the page and clear your browser cache and try again.
If you still can't get logged in, please try using Microsoft Edge, Google Chrome, Firefox, Opera, or Safari to login. Also be sure you are using the latest version of your browser. Internet Explorer has not been updated in over seven years and will no longer work with the Forum software. Thanks
"I kind of understand the vacation thing, but the car thing is just insane."
----------------------------The hunting thing was something I had done for years. It was tradition. It wasn't something new or like I was saying I'm going to the Caribbean for a week. If she had an annual event she did for years when I met her and assuming we could afford it, I would not have told her she couldn't do it anymore(which Kellie tried to do with hunting) nor would I expect an equal amount of time to do something else. I encouraged her to go out with her friends and I would stay home with the kids. She on the other hand announced to her family that I wasn't "allowed" to go out by myself. I may have a different philosophy when it comes to relationships but I think it's heathy for the relationship if each person has time to spend with their friends and not everything has to be done together.
True that Dano. My wife is great. She is fine with me going out with the boys, but she also wants the freedom to go out with the girls. However if I go on a trip with he boys, she wants to go somewhere to which is fine because its like 2 trips. She pays for her own trip and usually its somewhere with her sisters. She doesn't tell me I can't do anything, but I'm not stupid enough to say "Honey I'm going to Cancun for Spring Break, see you in a week."
Our household financial rules are clearly defined. ALL income is family income with a couple of exceptions. The household budget is public knowledge and each person in the household has their own individual savings account set up.
My wife is paid hourly so any overtime or bonus money she earns, she is free to save or spend as she pleases. I'm lucky in the fact that she is not a big shopper and enjoys sharing her income with the family.
Each adult is budgeted $20 per week to spend as he/she pleases. Generally this is called our snack/lunch money but its essentially our allowance for the week because we usually bring our own snacks and lunches to work. If we don't spend our $20 allotment, the cash stays in the family general fund and we start over the next week with $20. If you exceed your $20, you need to hit your own savings to compensate for your needs. Not that we are tedious about this to the penny but its a general house rule.
The kid is young but her savings account is already pretty fat from all her cash gifts received since birth and that is after I take a good chunk of her cash gifts and stick them in her (tax favored) college savings account. It won't be long before she is versed in budgeting tactics.
Big ticket items like vacations, cars and other ancillary spending are all discussed before decisions are made. IF the budget allows for it, almost anything is possible for anyone in the household. It just needs to be discussed. I've gone on personal (not business) trips alone just as she has. It was agreed to by us and was not a tit for tat arrangement. We don't operate like that.
Btw, financial planners have long advised that a married couple should have a joint family bank account and individual savings accounts. This alleviates any member of the family feeling as though they are not an individual who can spend some money where and when they want to. <---The number one problem in a marriage going sour usually revolves around finances. When everyone feels like they are being treated like an adult, then the tension is far less than say a wife having to ask the husband for $150 to go get a nice hair style and being denied.
Our houshold rules were my money is "our" money and used for bills, food, etc, Kellie's money was Kellie's money and she would give me a portion of her agreed upon stipend to pay for bills when she felt like it. She first had to satisfy Kellie's needs, wants, and desires and if she had any left she would give me some for family needs. I went through several different financial scenarios and none worked. She is simply financially irresponsible. I had $15,000.00 saved for the kids college fund and she's blown all that now. I'm giving her $1800.00/month, soon to be $1400.00. My son recently told me he needed to get his Playstation fixed because the unit wasn't reading the disk which is a common problem after awhile. His mother took $40.00 from his piggy bank to get it fixed. That shit pisses me off and sent me to court recently to defend myself against a PPO. She lost. This isn't the first time she's done this stupid shit. My son wanted to play baseball and he told me his mother said I had to pay for the whole thing or he couldn't play. She finally agreed to pay half but that's what this "child support" money is suppose to be for. It's not however. It's for her which is a big part of my antipathy for her.
I have never seen a healthy marriage that involves each couple having their "own" money. If there is no sharing of the finances there is not the level of committment that is needed to survive as a married couple.
DanO's situation was just plain fucked up.
My money is "our' money and her money is "our" money is the only way to deal with it. Marriage is like a business. Any profits (income) that come into the business need to go back into the business. Goals have to be discussed and agreed upon. No one person can have the final say on big ticket items and when to purchase them. Almost any purchase beyond living expenses and everyday items need to be discussed. i.e. Wife: I want to spend $150 on my hair do we have the cash or should I wait for payday. Husband: I need some new golf clubs can we afford it right now.
It's called being an adult and committing to a marriage.
I feel like I am watching the destruction of our democracy while my neighbors and friends cheer it on
My ex gave me $100 a week which I was to use toward his bills (car, insurance, credit card) as well as the household bills (house payment, taxes, insurance, utilities, food). Needless to say, I had to cover nearly everything. The rest of his check went toward cigarettes and partying. Then he quit his job and things got real fun lol.
I'm pretty weirded out about money now. Any guy shows the slightest freeloader tendency, he's done.
Our houshold rules were my money is "our" money and used for bills, food, etc, Kellie's money was Kellie's money and she would give me a portion of her agreed upon stipend to pay for bills when she felt like it. She first had to satisfy Kellie's needs, wants, and desires and if she had any left she would give me some for family needs. I went through several different financial scenarios and none worked. She is simply financially irresponsible. I had $15,000.00 saved for the kids college fund and she's blown all that now. I'm giving her $1800.00/month, soon to be $1400.00. My son recently told me he needed to get his Playstation fixed because the unit wasn't reading the disk which is a common problem after awhile. His mother took $40.00 from his piggy bank to get it fixed. That shit pisses me off and sent me to court recently to defend myself against a PPO. She lost. This isn't the first time she's done this stupid shit. My son wanted to play baseball and he told me his mother said I had to pay for the whole thing or he couldn't play. She finally agreed to pay half but that's what this "child support" money is suppose to be for. It's not however. It's for her which is a big part of my antipathy for her.
GO LIONS "07" !!!!!!!
I don't care what anybody says...if someone is giving their "ex" child support there should have to be receipts produced on demand that show that the custodial parent actually spent that money on the child(ren).
I bring home the check, Leti handles all the money and the bills. If I need money, I let her know I'm taking some out of the savings account.
Leti's been contributing financially for a few months now...she's been selling our old stuff & alot of Ben's old clothes & toys to other mom's who need stuff for their kids. Mostly, she's been selling through Craigslist.
She's got a old oatmeal can full of money. As soon as I found it, she found a new hiding place (probably in her garter...she won't let me get close to there)
We have seperate accounts and a joint account. Our marriage is successful so far, but then its only been 3 years. We put a equal portion (percentage wise) toward bills, mortgage and food. The rest is to spend how you like. It works great. That way if she wants to spend her whole allotment on shoes( although she never has), I could care less.
Originally posted by CGVT
If there is no sharing of the finances there is not the level of committment that is needed to survive as a married couple.
How old are you? This is an old and outdated concept. You can be committed fully and have you own money, time and space. My wife has her own room and her own closet. She keeps them as clean or messy as she likes. Futhermore, women aren't stupid and they know when it all comes down to it, they own half anywayz. In fact and new study out recently said the most successful marriage are the ones where the couple had there own rooms or space.
Almost any purchase beyond living expenses and everyday items need to be discussed. i.e. Wife: I want to spend $150 on my hair do we have the cash or should I wait for payday. Husband: I need some new golf clubs can we afford it right now.
It's called being an adult and committing to a marriage.
If you got your own money, no discussion needed. No discussion, no saying "no" or "yes". It provided more individually which most people need alittle of in their mariages so as not to feel controlled.
I love how only your opinions on marriage are the "adult" views.
After my wife passed, my daughters and I were going through her clothes, etc and getting her stuff ready to donate to charity.
My daughter came across a little black purse that the wife had stashed $7 Grand. I had no idea it was there, nor did she ever mention she was hoarding money. Thank God we went through all the clothes, pockets, purses, etc. before we surprised some stranger with a $7000 purse.
When ever she decided to go North to see the kids, I would give her the money for the trip. She just loved to shop with her daughters, but rarely ever bought anything. I could never understand that. I used to ask her why would she spend all that time shopping and not come home with anything. Standard answer was: "I didn't find anything I liked nor needed".
I never denied nor questioned anythin she wanted to buy. She got the greatest pleasure out of simple things. The biggest smile I ever saw on her face was after she came home with two little tea bag squeezer tongs and a ceramic tea bag holder.
Thank God she wasn't extravagant like I am. If I wanted a Boat, Motorcycle, New Clothes, or a Car. I simply went out and bought them when I wanted to, and she never questioned it.
I do believe she was a rare breed among women! Quiet, reserved, classy, loving, beautiful, and she never complained.
Tweet
Comment