Joke Thread

[LionsFanInJapan]

I think the funniest gifs on this site are Nifflas. Fucking hilarious when he responds to people who talk shit.

Would you say this is how you feel when you see one of Niffla's gifs?

[Marko69]

More like this.

[LionsFanInJapan]

[Marko69]

[LionsFanInJapan]

[Marko69]

You're getting wet, dude.

[CGVT]

[LionsFanInJapan]

Joke thread is becoming the funny gifs thread.

[CGVT]

An old classic...

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'
'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'
'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'
'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'
'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'
'Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green... and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.
And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted... and it hits a bird in mid-flight !'
'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!'
'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'
'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.
'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'
'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile. 'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

'You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?'

[Sharkbait]

Forgot the punchline by the time I got there, but, yes an old classic.
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.
.
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While reading an article last night about fathers and sons,
memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local pub, only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny's. He didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it.
I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope!
In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest.
He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so drunk
I could hardly push his stroller back home.

EDIT: I would really like to hear Marko69 tell this joke. Scotland has got to be on my bucket list.

[LionsFanInJapan]

[entropy]

ImageUploadedByTapatalk1455242191.557613.jpg


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[LionsFanInJapan]

That...is not Japanese.

[Malto Marko]

It's still funny!

[Sharkbait]

This guy was on Wheel of Fortune, asked if he could buy an "I".