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Diary of a Madman---a collection of KANSAS' rants

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  • Rant please, please, please Mr. Kansas
    19.1119, NO LONGER WAITING

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    • Rant and Rave
      cut Riaola, do not save
      This moving pile of dung
      oh those headphones coach did flung
      now watch 20 viking fans do the wave


      this sucks harder than watching the lions, but at least I am trying
      If you keep shootin, you can turn any piece of meat into burger

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      • LOL, Stee
        "Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "

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        • Goodbye, Schwartz.

          Gawd, I am so glad I won't have to see that smug, arrogant asshole anymore. Standing there at his press conference after another devastating loss like he'd just given Kate Upton multiple orgasms. And gawd forbid if we won. We could have 5 turnovers, 18 penalties, 3 missed field goals, eke out a 1 point win against the fucking Texans, and this guy would spike his headset like we'd just shutout the gawddamn Broncos. And then he'd show up at the press conference with that pompous, superior smirk on his face like Kate's under the podium with his dick in her mouth and her left pinky up his ass. "Well, we took a poll on Twitter and they said to keep giving the ball to Reggie." GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

          What exactly does this guy have to be egotistical about anyway? This is a guy who chased another coach off the field after a handshake, yelled obscenities at other teams' players and coaches, challenged unchallengable calls, made no halftime adjustments, never won a gawdamn thing that means anything, and once actually wasted a crucial timeout on an extra fucking point. Probably because he thought tacking on a 5-yard penalty from the 2-fucking-yard line would push that asshole Akers out of his fucking range.

          "Don't say I'm scared, cuz I ain't."

          Really, Jim? Really? Because you sure pissed down your leg in 6 of the most meaningful games we've had since I was getting laid on a regular basis. And thank gawd you're taking Linehan with you. Between the two of you, you're like my senile grandma. Your halftime adjustments make as much difference as fiddling with the rabbit ears on top of the TV when you've got fucking cable. Plus, somehow during the course of the season you both managed to ruin a promising young quarterback. I'm not sure if it was poor coaching, lack of coaching or something in between, but Stafford doesn't have a cannon for an arm anymore, he's got a gawddamned blunderbuss. He points it in a general direction, closes his eyes, pulls the trigger, and hopes he hits something.

          And finally, thank gawd I won't have to hear you give (or not give) injury reports anymore.

          Schwartz: "The injury report, you ask? Well, while Kate's under the podium tossing my salad, I'm going to tell you in the most smug way possible that I will have a goatee for next week's game and I listened to some Skynyrd, Quiet Riot, and Judas Priest while driving into work today. Also, you know I don't discuss injuries because it can only assist the other team's preparation, but I know you're going to ask anyway. So, Calvin's got a leg, Pettigrew has a lower extremity, Houston's got a whatchamacallit, and Reggie didn't play against the Eagles because it was snowing and he fumbles a lot. But, in his defense, we're gonna blame it on a re-strain of one of the larger, anterior muscular protrusions in the sub-patellar region of a.....um.....thingie. But the good news is they're all short term injuries which means day-to-day or week-to-week, but definitely not weeks-to-weeks or month-to-month or even months-to-months. Probably."

          Aw fuck you and good riddance.
          It's so flat you can watch your dog run away for three days.

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          • Nice

            Thank you! Now I can enjoy the Lions off-season until their SB rolls around.
            19.1119, NO LONGER WAITING

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            • Well said, Kansas! Damn.
              #birdsarentreal

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              • Well done Kansas. Blunderbuss, LOL.

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                • Good job, Kansas. Now on to the draft, ... oh, wait, we'll have a new bevy of coaches to bash soon.
                  "Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "

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                  • Is a bevy the same as a plethora?
                    Benny Blades~"If you break down this team man for man, we have talent to compare with any team."

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                    • WEY HEY, A bevy!!!

                      No. Too much bevy last night. Head still hurts slightly.
                      "I'm having much more fun in my 70s in the 20s than I did in my 20s in the 70s.”

                      Joe Walsh - Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh 22nd June 2022

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                      • bev?y [bev-ee] Show IPA
                        noun, plural bev?ies.
                        1.
                        a group of birds, as larks or quail, or animals, as roebuck, in close association.
                        2.
                        a large group or collection: a bevy of boisterous sailors.

                        Most frequently used a bevy of beauties, like the ladies that will soon become the new coaches.
                        "Don?t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright. - Bob Marley "

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                        • I believe "bevy" is used as slang across the pond to refer to "beverage" of the alcoholic variety, Shark.

                          If I remember it correctly.

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                          • pleth?o?ra
                            ˈpleTHərə/
                            noun
                            noun: plethora; plural noun: plethoras
                            1. 1.
                              a large or excessive amount of (something).
                              "a plethora of committees and subcommittees"
                              synonyms:excess, overabundance, superabundance, surplus, glut, superfluity, surfeit, profusion; Moretoo many, too much, enough and to spare;
                              informalmore —— than one can shake a stick at
                              "a plethora of opinion polls"
                              antonyms:dearth
                            2. 2.
                              Medicine
                              an excess of a bodily fluid, particularly blood.
                            Benny Blades~"If you break down this team man for man, we have talent to compare with any team."

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                            • One of your best, Kansas. Love it.
                              GO LIONS "23" !!

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                              • On a scale of 1 to 100, I give it a 93

                                It's got a good beat that you can dance to.

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