Joke Thread

[entropy]

heh..

[Marko69]

Man in sex shop: Excuse me Sir, do you have thongs?
Sex shop worker: Thertainly thir, “Thrangers in the night..... exthchanging glanthes!”

That ^^^ was extremely funny last night when I was reeking drunk, so apologies to the groaners.

[edindetroit]

If a nun sews her own outfit together is that habit forming?

[Marko69]

Why did the Irishman put on two condoms?

To be sure, to be sure.

Yep, fuuuuuuuucking ancient.

[Marko69]

"Will you kiss me?" asks the beautiful woman.
"No, it would be against my code of ethics." replies the doctor.
"Please. Just one kiss!" begs the woman.
"It is completely out of the question. I shouldn't really be fucking you if I'm honest."

[Marko69]

A boy is separated from his dad at a football game. He finds a policeman.
"I've lost my dad." he cries.
"What's he like?" asks the policeman.
"Erm, beer and prostitutes I think."

[entropy]

heh..

[entropy]

A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, "I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?" His mate said smiling, 'Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick."

[entropy]

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

[entropy]

Q: What's the difference between England and a teabag?
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.

[entropy]

Harbaugh walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

[Marko69]

Harbaugh walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

That?s even funnier, Entropy........ Harbawbag can?t count can he?

[Marko69]

Playing doctors and nurses last night with the wife. Went horribly wrong when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.

[edindetroit]

Q:What is the biggest drawback in Africa?

A: An elephant's foreskin.

[dsred]

OHHHHH BOY!